Can remember a match in 1986 where a midfielder with the last name Rats lashed a 40 yard volley past a goalkeeper called Bats. The substitute goalies name was Dropsy - which match was it ?
It was USSR v France - the Rats was Vasily Rats, the USSR midfielder. The 2 keepers Ak has already referred to.
Nothing in football comes close to cricket. Brian Johnston's reported comment that "The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willey". And "Lillee c Willey b Dilley" In one cup final, many years ago, featuring Everton (against WBA, I think) the commentator said, "And here comes Husband no. 7," when Jimmy Husband was attacking down the left wing.
Talking of commentator quotes here are a couple by Ted Lowe on Pot Black (Snooker) His most famous quote being, "and for those of you who are watching in black and white, the pink is next to the green." He also once told viewers that Fred Davis, struggling to rest one leg on the edge of the table in order to reach a long shot, "Fred is getting on a bit and is having trouble getting his leg over".
Charlie, similar to the quote by Ted Lowe was one by Motty "If you're watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all yellow".
I don't know about footballers with silly names there is a club called Deportivo ****a in Peru, from the city of Hauncayo. And of course there was Tunji Banjo when Leyton Orient were being just Orient.
I seem to remember a few commentating blunders in relation to David Seaman, though they may not all be repeatable...
Ray Train.. a tad silly but i would have to say more aptly named. I cant recall a more 'trainlike' player for us over the years. Outside of the Hornet my fav is Milan Fukal.. a former Czech national player who is still playing somewhere i believe. Unfortunetly he never did sign for Milan!