18:00hrs: Returned home. No apparent sign of fresh **** on the road. Mrs has cleaned the path which is pleasing. 18:10hrs Sound of dogs barking alerts me. Nothing out the front. Further investigation finds next doors dog in the back garden trying to get to a dog in the garden behind. 18:12hrs Memo to self. No need to keep looking out of the window when I know next doors dog is out as he will raise the alarm to any animals out the front. Should allow me to pay more attention to the soaps. 18:35hrs All quiet. Decide on waffles, sausages & tinned spaghetti for tea but have none of the ingredients, coats back on & I head up the high street. 18:38hrs Forced to cross the road at Farmfoods as weird guy with the Ireland baseball cap is walking his 7 dogs. I check his route does not include my road before carrying on my way to the Co-Op. 18:43hrs Dried dog **** all outside New Look. Some poor Nike Air Max are ruined to **** somewhere in ERD. 18:45hrs Dog **** everywhere outside Boots, almost sprayed on to the path. ****ing dirty bastards.. 18:52hrs: Food, Nicorette Lozenges for the mrs & a bottle of Pepsi Max bought & I decide to inspect the **** outside Boots. A closer look makes me think a pushchair has gone over it looking at the tracks made & the trajection of the spray. Little chuckle to myself as I imagine it spraying up the legs of some fat **** who's on the waiting list for the Jeremy Kyle show. Probably has a brown baby too. 18:58hrs Some **** with an Adidas hoody is being taken for a walk by his devil dog. He's probably responsible for the **** down by the nursery but my priority at this stage is my own road. I shout prick at him anyway. Who the **** wears Adidas? A few more expletives fly out as I'm filled with rage at the thought of ****s that wear Adidas. He's probably listening to Ndubz on his ipod & can't hear me anyway. 19:15 Dinner is cooking & Hollyoaks is on a break. Tell the mrs about the dog **** up the road. She tells me at the weekend Police were stopping people who were throwing their nub ends on the floor & fining them. ****ing ****s. What about all the dog ****?? 19:40 Found the leaflet I'd been franticaly searching for to get the Police liasion officers details. Decide this weekend will be sent throwing nub ends on the floor. Any copper **** who challenges me will get an earful about dog **** as well as being removed of a lung. Old Bill ****s. Unmarked cars to catch people throwing nub ends? Bellends. 19:45 Waffles a bit crispy & sausages slightly well done but was scoffed in record time. Noises outside alert me to the window. Next door are taking Alfie for a walk. I watch him being walked up the road, I doubt very much it'd be next door but you can't really trust folk who keep animals in their homes so everybody with a dog must be deemed a suspect. 20.18hrs Alfie appears from the bottom of the road. Next door obviously ran out of Frosty Jacks & took him for a walk. Not a suspect really, he spends half his life in the back garden so has ample time to ****. Though he has it in for me. I left my Paul & Shark hat there once & he ate the ****er. Little prick. 20:45 Out the bath. The mrs has not noted anything so I don't believe she was watching properly. I see the wee **** from the bottom of the road with his devil dog approaching. He walks on the other side of the road from what I've seen though..........little ****er. Crossed on to my side of the street probably going to little Padraigs. Will have to keep an eye on this little ****er. He could have got his dog to **** outside my house, I remember he was gonna throw a snowball at me a few years back & I threatened to take his jaw off. Sneaky little bastard 20:55 Here's Alan with his moms dog/rat on a rope. 40+, living with your mom & having to take her do for walk. Nice bloke mind. Drinks in the Acorn can't work out if ths makes him more or less of a suspect. Dirty horrible little pub: should be used to **** everywhere judging by the state of the toilets & the stale smell of farts the last time I was in there, but I suppose dirty ****ers who can drink in such a pub are hardly likely to pick dog **** up. 21:05 No sign of Alan or the little ****er returning home from walking the dog. Both live at the bottom of the road so maybe walked the block? Alan probably went the chippy or the shop and has walked back the other way. Little ****y bollocks could be anywhere the ****face. 21:45 Still no sign of any dogs. PJ's are on & 'Joe Swash I Believe In Ghosts' taped the other night is coming on.
Brilliant I can imagine Brum with a trench coat, hat, smoking a cigarette under a lampost like some film noir scene
Oh & white **** was to do with something that used to be in dog food, they make the food differently now hence no white dog ****.
Your streets are obviously not covered in dog **** I think the stress of this day meant there wasn't a day 2
