Funniest football moments: Personal Experiences

What is your funniest moment in football? It could be anything that you have either witnessed or experiences yourself.

The inspiration for this article was a comment by Warm Pouch, regarding a bloke who would help out for his local football team with the magic sponge.

" *Originally Posted by Warm Pouch *
Anything involving very cold water seems to work miracles in the recovery stakes. The lad who used to come and help when I used to play a bit of northern alliance on a saturday was the best. Its always went something like this:

"what's up?"
"think I've gone over on my ankle"
"how bad?"*
"not sure I'll give it a go"

All of sudden, half a two litre bottle of freezing cold water poured on head without warning, it was amzing how quickly you jumped up! Our keeper once took one in the knackers point blank, ball flew out for a corner. It was one of those ones where everyone goes "ouch holy ****eroo" Keeper was lying stricken wondering where his nuts had gone until he saw Jimmy heading toward him with two litre bottle and sponge. He ran round the back of the net shouting "and you can **** off if you think you're touching my knackers with that sponge" Jimmy was just smiling with gleeful intent the ****ing weirdo."

What other experiences have you got? Most come from Sunday league, some come from being at a Toon game?

Mine has to be a recent one, during a Sunday league game. One of our lads had gone down injured with his foot, so, as you do, the manager took the lads boot off to have a look at his foot. Well, the lad had only decided to let his girlfriend paint his toe nails didn't he, forgetting to wash it off. Pink toes flashing about, everyone around, including the opposition who came over to see what the fuss was about. He was so embarrassed, we were in stitches. Has to be one of my funniest moments in football.

What about you? Surely there must be some brilliant stories, dig deep!

 

That is ****ing class.

Funniest for me at Sunday League, female ref, our player takes one to the nuts. He goes down and ref comes over to check whats up, before offering to rub him better

 

Haha, I've seen many a case of the cold water/Deep Heat cream threat being enough to get a lad on his feet.

One of my more memorable moments was when I was a bit younger - I'd been playing on the wing and was trying to thread through defence splitting passes/go past players but to no avail. I was up against one big defender who would foul me every time I tried to go past him - and since it was a younger league the refs were almost non-existent.

But at the time it had rained heavily and the sides of the pitch were absolutely covered in pools of deep mud, especially by the corner flag. Here in Australia every pitch we play on is generally dry and rock solid, so those conditions were pretty rare. So after having him knock me over really hard one more time I had enough; on the next break I sprinted with the ball down towards their corner, bringing Lee Cattermole Jr. with me - he was chasing me at full pace, though he was much bigger and clumsier than me.

So when I came to the corner flag I simply stopped the ball at my feet and shimmied out of the way as the big lad, who was running with full momentum just kept going - he tried to slow down but just couldn't and kept going until he ran straight into the massive pool of mud by the corner flag and fell face forward into it, absolutely covered head to toe - he had to be subbed off he was so inundated with it - everyone pissed themselves laughing - it was hilarious.

I'd say second to that was when I made a goal line clearance using my knackers. Not a good memory, that.

 

brilliant. Always loved a muddy pitch, brilliant when you use it to your advantage in that way.

Expecting loads of knacker stories, someone must have a burst testicle or gaining a ****ing huge one cos of football.

 

a funny one was one of the guys who was rather vain in sunday league, and from a corner there was an almighty classic sunday league scramble in the box and eventually one of their defenders went to smash it away and it hit the guy clean between the eyes and the keeper was so dumbfounded it trickled its way in, we were all in stitches and went to help him up and the first thing he said "Is my face ok?"

 

Once wrapped my knackers around the post making a goal line clearance, slid in on a muddy day stopped the ball but kept on sliding into the post. ****ing knacked!

 

Passed the ball back to our keeper when I was in the school U-16's. He was under no pressure from the opposition and he ran out to hoof the ball forward. Missed the ball and it continued to roll towards the goal.

Panicking, he turns round and sprints after it and instead of diving on it to stop it he dribbles the thing into the damn net.

Our best striker (and captain) was so annoyed he swapped positions and then pulled off save after amazing save. Still with the score at 1-0 to them we had a corner in the dying seconds.

Our striker/GK comes barrelling out and the ball falls at his feet. He puts it just over the line and watches as their keeper cheats and moves it back over. There are so many players in the box the ref is unsighted so he kicks their keeper into the back of the net with the ball and the ref gives the goal.

Match finishes 1-1 and it was the only point we won the entire season

 

phil babb style?

 

hadn't seen that til I just youtubed it then. Eerily similar to that yes!

Also few months ago in my sunday team opposition had a direct FK on edge of the box. Player takes it, keepers sure he has it covered so puts his arms out and lets it sail past him. Right into the top corner. Bastards lucky we were 3-0 up when it happened!

 

Rememember going to Rome on a school trip back in 1969.

We stayed in a monastry with a big courtyard which became our 5 a side pitch for the week we were there. After a long day visiting the Colloseum etc we all snuck out and had a few beers(which was very definitely against the rules) before we embarked on the footie, anyway one of the lads hoofed the ball Allardyce style through an open window about 3 floors up. I volunteered to go and get it so I went through the front door and ran up the stairs and in a drunken state fell up the stone stairs and landed on my chin causing a sizeable split and blood everywhere.

After a massive bollocking from the teachers and a canny few stitches from the school doctor I was packed off to bed. The next day followed the same theme, visiting the sites, a few sneeky beers and footie. After a couple of minutes I thought I'd try a clever pass off the courtyard wall to one of my mates, unfortunately I missed the ball and kicked a massive plant pot breaking my toe in the process. This resulted in an even bigger bollocking for drinking on school trips and letting everyone down etc and subsequently confined to the monastry for the next 2 days.

The funny thing was when my Mum and Dad met me at the Central Station when we got back and I limped towards them with a plaster the size of a sanitary towel on my chin my old man pissed himself laughing when I explained what had happen.

 

I was playing with a guy who got cramp in both legs at the same time once. Must have thrown himself about 3 feet in the air, grabbed both hamstrings and landed flat on his back completely unable to move. Game had to be stopped as the ref was laughing too hard

 

brilliant

Ahhhh cramp, the worst football injury possible.

 

I can imagine the lad who dribbled it into the back of the net was you?

 

Was playing on the wing and volleyed the goalies clearance right back at his face (unintentional) and the ball AND him into the net knocking him out. I wasn't laughing at the time but many others were.

Best one was when I was in goal at 5-a-side, dived straight into the post! lol

 

Funny for everyone else but me!!

Playing at rb in a Sunday am ko in sussex once, there was another game on the next pitch about 5 foot away. I'd just cleared up field (early allardyce stylee) when i woke up with 2 -3 people stood round me. A defender on the other pitch had pile driven a clearance straight into the side of my head and knocked me out cold, but not before i'd done a 10yard 360 degree sprint and fell down out for the count!! How they slapped their thighs laughin the ba******!!

A different event, a few weeks later i ran onto the pitch with bucket and sponge and the 'communal' shorts i was wearing fell down and sent me sprawling. The shorts were always too big and the tops too small and itchy fgs.

 

Elephant balls?

 

Wasn't me. Honest.

I used to play CM and my pass back was from roughly the centre circle.

 

both brilliant

 

Swimming County Championships in Essex and I'd just competed in the 100 meters freestyle. Gave my all and was simply shattered. Climbed out the pool and walked towards the showers past the crowd.

Noticed that both my bollocks had escaped my speedos when I got into the changing rooms.

Everyone noticed.

 

epic. and double for the speedos