So I’m standing in line at Walmart with a big bag of dog food, and the lady behind me asks, “Do you have a dog?” I looked her dead in the eye and said, “Nope, I’m doing the Dog Food Diet again.” Told her I lost 50 pounds last time before I landed in the hospital - woke up in ICU with tubes everywhere. But hey, I was skinny! I explained that it’s the perfect diet - just load your pockets with nuggets and eat one or two every time you’re hungry. By this point, everyone in line is fully invested. She nervously asked if I got food poisoning from eating dog food. I said, “No… I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle’s butt and got hit by a car.” -
