I said to a mate, "I bought my wife a pair of diamond earrings last month and she hasn't talked to me since." "Why not?" "That was part of the deal."
Englishman: "That your dog?" Welshman: "Aye" Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?' Welshman: "Dog don't talk.” Englishman: “Hey dog, how's it going?" Dog: "Doing all right." Welshman: (look of shock) Englishman: “Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman) Dog: "Yep." Englishman: “How's he treating you?" Dog: "Very good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play." Welshman: (Look of total disbelief!) Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Welshman: "Horse don't talk.” Englishman: "Hey horse how's it going?" Horse: "Cool." Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!) Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Welshman) Horse: "Yep." Englishman: "How's he treating you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice stable to protect me from the weather." Welshman: (Look of total amazement!) Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" Welshman: "That sheep's a f*k**g liar!!”
As Patrick lay on a hospital bed, he asked the nurse to send in his 3 sons, and explained that he wanted to leave them something before he died. “To my oldest son, Michael, I leave 12 properties in Shamrock Avenue, and 8 in Bishops Court.” “To my middle son, Shane, I leave 15 houses in Chapel St, and 5 in Greenvale Close.” “To my youngest son, I leave 10 Shops on the left side of the High Street, and 10 more on the right-hand side.” He took one more breath and passed away. The nurse, comforting the sons, said “Your father must have been such a caring wealthy man, to leave you all so much” Michael replied “No . . . . he was a window cleaner.“
