Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

He's a socket man

 

Unlike my mate Pete I was clever enough to be holding the feet

 

My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."
Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."
The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."
Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."
The pharmacist says, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week."

 

I haven't posted any jokes for a while . . . .

 

Wullie walks into an antique shop in Edinburgh and starts looking around. Suddenly, he gazes upon the most stunning bronze statue of a Siamese cat.
He asks the store owner how much he wants for the statue. The store owner replies "It's £200 for the statue and "£2000 for the story that goes with it."
Wullie replies "I really dinna care aboot e story, but I do want e statue."
As Wullie is paying for the statue, the shop owner says "All right, but I guarantee you will be back for the story."
Wullie walks out of the shop and starts down the street carrying the cat statue. When he comes to the corner , he happens to glance behind him and sees 3 or 4 cats sitting about 10 feet away, looking at him.
He shrugs it off and crosses when the light changes. He goes several more streets and, at another crossing , looks behind himself again. This time there are about 30 cats sitting there looking at him.
Wullie starts to get a little nervous and picks up his pace when the light changes.
By the time Wullie reaches Leith docks at the end of the street, he has now been running for miles .
He was running because every time he turned around, there were more and more cats behind him. He looked like the pied piper. When he got to the end of the pier, he turned around once more and saw at least 2000 cats sitting there looking at him. There were so many cats that there was no way to get off the pier without going through them and he knew there was no way he was going to do that. In a panic, he turned toward the water and heaved the statue as far as he could. Amazingly, all of the cats ran right past him and jumped in the water after the statue and never came out. Wullie , still shaking from his ordeal, immediately started running back to the shop.
As he burst through the door, the shop owner saw him and said, "I told you that you'd be back for the story!"
"To hell we e story," gasps Wullie , "do ye hev a statue of a politician??"

 

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