A woman owned two Dachshunds, a male and a female. A friend of hers calls one day and says, "How do you keep him away from her when she's in heat?" "Oh that's not a problem" she says, "When I go out, I put the female upstairs." "Does that do the trick?" asks her friend. "Well," she says, "Have you ever seen a Dachshund go upstairs with a hard on?"