Paddy works as a cleaner for a doctor's surgery and one afternoon, the doctor says to Paddy, "Paddy, please keep an eye out for any patients who might come in then you can leave at 6 like normal. I've got rush out on an emergency." The following morning, the doctor asks Paddy how it went. Paddy says, "There was three patients. The first, had a cough so I gave him cough mixture." The doctor nods and says, "Good, good and next?" Paddy says, "The second, he says he got allergy to grass so I give him an antihistamine." Again, the doctor nods and says, "And then?" Paddy replies, "Well, the third, she was a woman. She comes in, removes all her clothes, climbs stark naked on the examination table and says she hasn't seen a man in over three years." "Begorra," exclaims the doctor. "So what did you do?" Paddy replies, "I did what any man would do. I put eyedrops in her eyes."
Last year, I got so sick of the trick or treaters that I turned the lights off and pretended I wasn't in. Stuff the ships. My lighthouse, my rules…
An elderly couple,Denise and Jeffrey, were watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 18 inches long. When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 18 inches. Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said, “How about we try the African string-and-weight procedure?” The husband agreed and they tied a string and a weight to his penis. A few days later, the wife asked the husband, “How is our little tribal experiment coming along?” “Well, it looks like we’re about half way there,” he replied. “Wow, you mean it’s grown to 9 inches?” “No, it’s turned black.
My buddy is torn between two lovers. One makes incredible pancakes. The other writes beautiful poetry. Not sure if he should marry for batter or for verse?
What with Halloween last night i stayed up late and was watching this film with creepy organ music. I suddenly yelled, " Don't enter that church you daft git" " What are you watching?", asked my wife from the kitchen. I replied, " It's our wedding video!".
