Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

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My wife was trying to lose weight, so as a nice gesture, I bought her a healthy cook book.
She used it as a spoon.

 

I'm not saying I come from an unlucky family, but my Grandad was shipwrecked and was picked up by the Titanic.

 

Little known fact there is a Patron Saint of checking bread rolls before removing from the oven.
Saint John The Bap Test.

 

This Halloween I'm turning off the light and will pretend I'm not at home.
F*ck the ships.
My lighthouse, my rules

 

In the bed, on the sofa, on the dining table
Enjoying having sex whenever we were able
Bendy, stretchy, flexible and strong
When and where did it all go wrong?
Mrs Menopause arrived and said no more
The only thing shagged is your pelvic floor
Your libido has gone, it’s fallen off a cliff
Aching joints are all that’s getting stiff
If you do get in the mood then we have an issue
You’ll have to comb out bits of toilet tissue
Natural lubrication is no more
Foreplay is opening the bedside drawer
How very romantic, squeezing out the tube
But what do you do if there is no lube?
He races downstairs, a substitute in mind
You wonder what on earth he will find
Some crisp n dry - an insensitive name
It doesn’t evoke passion and flame
Feeling like an ancient you make a start
Accompanied by a never ending fart
He gives a moan and you feel aglow
But alas, it’s only cramp in his toe
After hopping round the room, you both agree
There’s nothing better than a nice cup of tea.
Copyright @middle age madness/Sarah Stenton