My wife said she was thinking about Buying a Mini...?? I said, "You'll never get your f*cking big, fat arse into one of those". She said, "Not a Skirt, I meant the Car, you cheeky b*stard". "So did I". I replied
My 6 year old asked me one those "awkward" questions that eventually all boys ask. "Daddy... Why is Mummy such a tw*t?"
As I lay in my new girlfriend's bed, I noticed four lines carved into the headboard. "Is that how many men you've slept with?", I asked. "Yes", she replied, "One thousand, one hundred and eleven."
It’s coming up to that time of year where I’ll be going to the office Christmas party with an ugly sweater...or wife, as she’s otherwise known.
A surgeon goes to check his patient after surgery. He says to her "Everything went fine and you will recover completely" The young woman says "How long will it be before I can have a normal sex life again"? The surgeon paused for a while and wiped a small tear from the corner of his eye, the woman now alarmed, said "What's the matter doctor, I will be OK won't I"? The surgeon smiled and said "Yes,yes you will be fine, it's just that no-one has ever asked me that question after having their tonsils out"
