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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #37801
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  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Sir Geoff Hurst was asked how he thought the England team of '66 would have done if they played against the Lionesses.
    "I think we'd have won 1-0" he replied.
    "Only 1-0?" questioned the reporter.
    "Yes," said Geoff. "There's only me left now and I'm 83."

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    #37802
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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    3 length ladder on transit van roof parked on a bend on a busy road......that's why women live longer. ffs

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    #37804
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  5. antipodean exile

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  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  8. antipodean exile

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  9. antipodean exile

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    #37809
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  10. antipodean exile

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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #37811
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for $500. At the second house they presented him fine Cuban cigars in an 18-carat gold box. The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old Scotch whisky. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a dumb blonde in her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the dumb blonde fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, tomatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a $5 note sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the five dollars for?" "Well," said the dumb blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you". He said, "F*ck him. Give him five bucks." She smiled prettily. "The breakfast was my idea."
     
    #37812
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Prince Andrew set to keep one of his honours....
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    #37813
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Amazing pumpkins at McDonald's Farm today. They've been sorted by size so be sure to grab a couple while you're there....
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    #37814
  15. Wooperts_duck

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  16. Wooperts_duck

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    #37816
  17. Wooperts_duck

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    #37817
  18. Wooperts_duck

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    #37818
  19. Wooperts_duck

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    #37819
  20. Wooperts_duck

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