The it’s ok to not be ok thread

Sounds rough that mate. They really do need to sort that gun issue out. People just going for a night out.

 

Been a long week, been away with work for what feels like a daft reason. Meant to be so we get together as a team but hardly seen anyone.

Then sitting in a hotel room or bar every night in my own hasn't helped my mood, especially when family at home are feeling down.

Thank you to @becs for the memory box suggestion, I bought one and my son amd daughter have both put photos and things in and its helped them loads.

The one thing this thread has given me is thats its acceptable to say when things are getting to much, which is what ive done done today.

I hope everyone else is doing ok

 

One of the best threads on here imo.

 

It is indeed mate, somewhere to vent and let off steam and to remind people that life affects everyone.

Been a godsend for me

 

I was feeing really down a couple of months back. Struggling a lot. Talked to the wife about it which was difficult for both of us but 100% the best thing to do. Feeling a decent amount brighter now thankfully. Problems all don't disappear but at least I'm seeing them in a better perspective now. Lost our dog last year and that contributed to my mood dropping. Got a young chihuahua a few weeks ago and he's helped too.

Good to see people talking and listening without judgement on here. Love to you all going through rough times.

 

This thread shows the best of people on here.

 

There's some very decent people on here, many I know personally.

It's good to talk on here because we don't at the pub or the match.

People turn up with various physical, emotional or other problems but we just get on with having a pint and a laugh

 

Where to start....could be a bit of a long one, bear with me.

Been struggling for what seems like ages now, just gradually creeping up. I guess its all down to circumstance, and mostly something I have no control over. The Mrs illness has really taken its toll on her, she hates having the dialysis, and it really saddens me to see her so down.

As some of you know, im going through the process of donating a kidney to the Mrs. We aren't a direct match, so we've been in a pairing scheme for about 18 months now without any success...the next run of matching is end of october (they do it every 3 months).
The likelyhood of getting a match is slim due to our blood groups, so in January 25 they started the process of a direct transplant, blood tests showed she had low B+ anti-bodies so massively reduced the risk of rejecting my kidney.

Every month the Freeman say things are going to plan, but give it one more matching process, then a month later, let's give it one more....
Then in September after I had a routine ultra- sound scan, it showed i had an enlarged prostate...brilliant!
A blood test showed a raised PSA level, so further tests were required. Obviously if was cancerous it would stop any donation its tracks.
First off was to see a consultant at the Freeman, he explained it was only slightly enlarged, and PSA levels were only slightly raised, so he would do a prostate exam. We danced for a while, then he checked my prostate .
Said it felt ok, but because of being a live donor I would need an MRI to make sure. Had the MRI last Friday and they rang on Tuesday to say it came back all clear.....
They said let's see if you get a match at the end of october....again.
I asked if we didn't, would it then be a case of let's see if we get one in January, as that what it seems like....always one more.
The transplant co-ordinator said we wouldnt be in januarys matching as a direct transplant would be done by then, most likely December or January.

So, once more, a glimmer of hope. I hope it happens this time, every month that goes by she is getting more and more despondent, and I think thats what is getting to me.

Actually just writing this down has helped. I cant really say it to the Mrs as I know she would feel that its her fault that I feel low. Im trying my best to keep things positive for her, and trying to give her a positive outlook, but sometimes it feels like im losing the battle.

Sorry for the long post, but I know I can say it on here...ive had more support on here than you will ever know.

 

Breaks my heart reading that mate, you're a top bloke and deserve better.

I'm glad you know how much support you have on here ...

... and, my offer still stands if it comes to that.

God bless mate, you're a star.

 

I know it's easy to say but being positive helps. I know through my cancer battle it kept me going. At times you do get down. I know i have even said out loud why did I bother fighting it off. But my kids (grown up) are always and have been brilliant

As an aside my dad did have a kidney transplant mid 70s. I will not go into details but the excitement of getting the news still lives with me to this day. It was Christmas Eve 77

 

It’s tough being away from family mate. Going back almost 30 years now I worked abroad in the Far East for 18 months at a time when my only son (at that time) was just starting school.

Really missed him and my wife, leave cycle was 4 months away and two weeks at home was very difficult, it gave us some financial security but I can’t get tjhat time back so it’s always been a regret.

Always tried to make the most of the leave time but ultimately it was a course of action we agreed as a family and I think it strengthened the bond.

We could send photos and presents etc home and have them sent to us for birthdays and Fathers Day and Christmas etc.

All you can ever do is the best for your family mate and you are doing that.

Hang in there.

 

Thanks Smug, that means a lot, thank you.

I know your offer is genuine, and I struggle to get my head round that tbh, but thats just you I guess. Top bloke.

On a side note, part of this kidney donation meant I had to cut down on alcohol so made the decision on 16th September 2023 to not have another until this was all over with. Im currently on day 751 without a beer...751, bloody hell.

 

My heart goes out to your wife and you Snaggey, you are really going through the mill.
You are a pillar and I am sure your wife and family appreciate your support. The issue is, who supports the carer. I hope you are getting the support that you deserve mate. This is a great thread were people can reach out and if needed take the support to pm's, I also realise that a more structured support will be available to you but anytime you want to chat just drop me a message.
Take care

 

That’s really tough mate. Hoping that this time around works for you both.
Fingers crossed and will pray for you both.

 

I'm still struggling mentally with the loss of the support network I had on RTG and the behaviour of Hetty towards me. She's really affected my mental health and I've been quite low. I keep getting negative thoughts that I would never act on, like when I'm driving on the motorway, it just pops into my head "wouldn't it be class to drive at speed into that bridge" or stuff like that.

Health is a mess right now. Crohn's is playing up, probably because I'm run down. Bladder issue getting worse but I've got another operation date for that on the 27th, so fingers crossed that helps. I've been referred to another consultant about possibly having Sjogren's Syndrome but I'm still on the waiting list for an appointment. I've got terribly dry eyes and a dry mouth, so I'm constantly using eye drops and a mouth spray to try and get relief from that. We're into the silly season with germs and due to being immunosuppressed for the Crohn's, I've had several back to back colds and tummy bugs since the end of August. I'm just knackered all the time and really struggling with work. I can't afford to stop off sick as I'd only get ESA which is about £90 a week and I can't pay all my essential bills and buy food on that.

Been worrying about the boiler as that was long overdue a service. Managed to get that done last week and relieved to find it's in good condition. I also have Raynaud's, so I feel the cold and wouldn't cope well if the heating stopped working over the winter. I've got free boiler emergency cover with my home insurance but they'd only come out and fix the boiler if it has had a service within the last year, so that was invalid until I'd had the service done.

Worrying about the car as it's due a MOT. It's 11 years old and about 115,000 miles on the clock. I know it needs two front tyres as I checked them the other week and they're just this side of legal. I can't afford to replace the car and I'm just hoping it passes with nothing major needing doing to it. I need my car to work as I can't do my job by public transport.

Trying to sort all the niggly things out at home. My kitchen is ancient and falling apart. The drawers are plastic which has cracked on the sides and the runners have broken. It makes opening them difficult as the drawers squeak and drop when you open them, so you have to kind of wiggle them and balance it with one hand while getting out what you need, then wiggle it back in again. I've just managed to buy some drawer boxes and runners so I'll have a go at trying to replace them.

Also been worried about my dog and his recent epilepsy diagnosis. He seems ok on his meds though and hasn't had any further seizures, so fingers crossed that's controlled now. I'd be devastated if anything happened to him.

 

I'm not very good with words Snags so hopefully this comes across as intended.One of the best and worst posts I have read on here.
The best cos I admire you putting it on.
The worst cos it must be heart wrenching for both of you.
As stated were here for support mate and I hope everything gets resolved positively and asap.

 

There’s no surprise it’s getting you down. Totally understandable. Well done for reaching out and opening up. It’s easy to think you have to be the answer but you also have a right to have feelings. From your description it’ll get better in certain of it so dig in and don’t lose hope and time will get you some improvement.

 

That’s hell of a lot Becs and enough going on for about three people. Can you get any financial support for your illnesses? There might be things you can claim for.

 

Sat in car waiting for sister yesterday , it crossed my mind that with Oct creeping on , would we be hearing a welcome announcement from you . Sounds like still one heck of a rollercoaster for you both- but so glad your post ended with a bit of an up .
I’ m no expert but just feel that you can look forward to a day when you wake up with this all over , and you and Mrs Snag will have a wonderful appreciation of life the universe and everything , as they say , the hard times forge the rewards of the future. Do tell Mrs Snag thinking of her also

 

Hi Becs , what can one say ? I have my MOT next week too ( coincidentally just did 2 new tyres last week ). And on top of the worry of an MOT , I have ….. and …. let me think …… well , having read your post - I luckily have nothing of serious note to be concerned with. So probably can’t really grasp what you contend with , but will send you thoughts of positivity , and like the others , here to listen