I'd just like to inform any husbands reading this that if your wife asks how much do you love her on a scale of 1-10, the answer is 10, and not the 7 as I originally assumed.
I was eating a bag of crisps last night, and on the back of the packet it said: ''Not to be sold separately'' I thought: ''Who the f*ck buys just one crisp.
A blind man walked into a cozy little restaurant and sat down at a corner table. The owner, who was also the waiter, handed him a menu. “Sir, I should tell you—I’m blind. I can’t read that. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I’ll smell it and decide what to order.” The owner raised an eyebrow, puzzled, but decided to play along. He grabbed a greasy fork from the pile of dirty dishes and brought it over. The blind man held the fork to his nose, inhaled deeply, and smiled. “Ah, perfect. I’ll have the meatloaf with mashed potatoes.” The owner nearly dropped his jaw. How in the world…? Still, he went to the kitchen, told his wife—the cook—what had happened, and shook his head in disbelief. The blind man enjoyed his meal and left. A few days later, he returned. Once again, the owner accidentally handed him a menu. “Sir, it’s me, the blind man. Remember? The fork trick.” “Oh, right! Forgive me.” The owner fetched another dirty fork from the pile. The blind man sniffed it, nodded, and said, “Mmm, macaroni and cheese with broccoli. I’ll take that.” The owner’s eyes widened. Unbelievable! This guy can’t be real. He hurried to the kitchen and told his wife, “I swear, he’s messing with me. Next time, I’ll put him to the test.” The following week, the blind man came back. The moment the owner spotted him walking in, he rushed to the kitchen. “Mary,” he whispered to his wife, “do me a favor—rub this fork on your panties before I give it to him. Let’s see if he’s really that good.” She gave him a suspicious look, then smirked and did it. The owner, grinning mischievously, brought the fork straight to the blind man’s table. “Good afternoon, sir! I remembered you this time—your fork is ready.” The blind man took the fork, held it up to his nose, breathed in deeply… then broke into a wide grin. “Well, well, well… I didn’t know Mary worked here.”
