When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn't even know. When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass. Then a man approached me and said, 'Enjoy life kid, be happy because time flies. Then he passed his hand over my head and left. My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was horrified to see that the man in the coffin was the same man who had spoken to me! I was so traumatized I couldn't sleep properly. I had terrible nightmares. I was terrified of being alone. I couldn't sleep without a night light for many years. I saw many psychologists, endured much turmoil throughout my adolescent years. It got better as I aged, but I would still occasionally wake up screaming in fear. Years later, I discovered something incredible that changed my life. The dead bastard had a twin.
My wife said that she had bought an ever ready chicken for tea. I said "You mean oven ready, don't you ?" She said "No . . . . it's a battery hen."
