Two beggars in Manchester, Ali and Habib They beg in different areas of Manchester ... Habib begs just as long as Ali does, but only collects £2 to £3 every day. Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend. Habib asks Ali :- 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how is it that you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?' Ali says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'? Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'. Ali says No wonder you only get £2- £3 Habib says... 'So what does your sign say'? Ali shows Habib his sign.... It reads, 'I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan'.
Thought you’d like that one. It absolutely fits with the opinion of a large percentage of the people. I’d happily donate to a fund to provide one-way tickets to moslems.
Scottish jokes mainly weegie ****s will understand Bus driver goes for an interview and is asked "What would you do with a rowdy passenger?", I'd throw him off", he replied. "Very good", said the guy interviewing. And what if you didn't get the fare?" The man replied "I'd take the first two weeks in July instead." What's wrong with Mickey Mouse's helicopter? Disnae land. What did the fish say when it fell aff the bus? Ahhhh McGills! A butcher is in his shop first thing in the morning, it's a cold day and his shop is freezing. He is sitting on his radiator to try and get warmed up. A man walks in and says "is that your Ayrshire bacon?" The butcher says "no I'm just trying to stay warm" A policeman catches a burglar at the corner of Dalhousie and Sauchiehall Street but drags him by the hair to Rose Street to book him. "Whad'ye de that for?" Asks the culprit. The policeman replies: "Because ah can spell Rose Street, ye thievin' ****."
Guy walks into a bakers and asks is that a donut or a meringue? Baker says you are quite right pal it's a donut! Guy walks into a library and asks for two fish suppers at the counter. The librarian replies, do you realise where you are? This is a library , a place to read , learn and relax … in quiet ! The man says sorry, leans in, and whispers: two fish suppers please! Visitor told a local his shoe lace was undone. “It's fine “ was the reply , “on the tongue it says Taiwan.”
For ****s sake Pud that first one was from Andy Cameron in the late 70s!! Monny used to slag me off on here for retelling that one again and again It is a classic though!!
Went into a book store the other day and asked for some recommendations on poetry books . “Do you like Kipling?” Asked the assistant “Don’t know”, I replied “I’ve never kipled!”
Why do elephants have big ears ? Because Noddy won’t pay the ransom. Why did King Edward not like Murray Walker ? Because he was a commentator.
My missus lost her credit card last week, I've not reported it to the bank because whoever has it now is spending less than my wife.
