Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

My best friend moved away and became a mime artist.

I've not heard from him since !

 

With colder weather coming and the price of fuel increasing, I've started to soak my logs in Green alcohol.

Well, you know what they say . . . . "Absinthe makes the hearth glow longer"

 

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I went to a French restaurant last night and ordered Napoleon chicken for the first time, but when It came there was no meat . . . . just the carcass.

I said to the waitress "What's this ?"

She said "It's the boney part."

 

Harsh !

 

Glaswegian: “That your dug?” Aberdonian: “Aye.”
Glaswegian: “Mind if ah talk tae him?” Aberdonian: “Dug disnae talk.” Glaswegian: “Awright dug, how’s it gaun?” Dug: “No bad, pal.”
Aberdonian: (stares in shock) Glaswegian: “That your owner?” (points at the Aberdonian) Dug: “Aye.” Glaswegian: “He treatin ye awright?” Dug: “Brilliant. Walks me twice a day, good scran, even takes me tae the park at the weekend.”
Aberdonian: (jaw drops)
Glaswegian: “Mind if ah talk tae yer horse?”
Aberdonian: “Horse disnae talk either.” Glaswegian: “Awright horse, how’s things?” Horse: “Sound, mate.” Aberdonian: (utterly shocked) Glaswegian: “That your owner?” Horse: “Aye.”
Glaswegian: “He look after ye?” Horse: “Too right. Brushes me, rides me, keeps me cosy in a stable.” Aberdonian: (can’t believe his eyes) Glaswegian: “Mind if ah have a wee word wi yer sheep?”
Aberdonian: “...That sheep’s a lyin’ bastard !”

 

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It gets worse

A bloke fell into a huge vat of melted chocolate.
His mate was just about to dive in and save him when the rest of the shift shouted “Billy, don’t be an Aero”