The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
I went a restaurant last night. I ordered my starter, and the waiter wacked me across me face. I ordered the main meal, and he came over again and walloped me. I ordered dessert, and he lamped me one again.... That’s the last time I go out for a slap up meal.
I’m so embarrassed about accidentally locking myself in a cabinet at the museum. I made a real exhibition of myself...
Scientists say, that one day, it might be possible to live on Mars. What a load of rubbish ! I tried it for a month, and gained nearly 3 stones in weight and developed type 2 diabetes !
Last week I was helping my partially deaf Nan move home, and I kept on finding wads of money pushed down the backs of chairs and stuffed into rolled up socks. When I asked her why she’d done this she said that her financial adviser had told her that she should put her savings into socks and chairs..
So with colder weather coming and the price of fuel increasing, I've started to soak my logs in Green alcohol. Well, you know what they say - " Absinthe makes the hearth glow longer"
Doctor: Describe your average night. Me: They wear armour. Doctor: No. I mean at bedtime. Me: They probably take it off.
