The man who makes the giant eclairs at our local patisserie is retiring next week. There'll be some pretty big chouxs to fill when he goes !
My son came home from school today. He told me that he had been given a part in the school play. What part are you playing I asked I’m a man who has been married for 20 years he said. That’s a shame I said, maybe next time you’ll be given a speaking part
I had a job at a chocolate factory putting fudge bars into boxes, but I had to quit because every time someone walked past they would say, "Packing fudge, are we ?" Or "Look . . . . he's packing fudge again." I've now found a job in a clothing factory lifting boxes of shirts, and I'm hoping that the name calling will stop !
I heard a rumour that Cadburys are making chop suey flavoured bars of chocolate . . . . probably just Chinese Wispas.
Just watched an advert on "Just cremation" Apparently they’ve got a 5* trust pilot review. How the fk does someone write a review on their experience from beyond?
Marks and Spencer were advertising a “Bra fitting event “ in my local store. When I asked the security guard what time it started so I could get seat at the front he told me to f*ck off. No wonder sales are plummeting if that’s their attitude.
A vicar gets on a train, and in his carriage are a group of five fine looking young ladies, so to break the ice, the vicar offers his bag of Werther's Original and then asks, "What do you young ladies do ?" "We do panto. We are currently starring in Dick Whittington." reply the girls. "That's fabulous. Which parts do you play ?" The first lady says "I take the part of the cat." The second lady continues, "I take the part of Buttons." "Really ?" asks the vicar. "Who takes Dick ?" "We all do." says the third girl, "but it'll cost you more than a Werther's Original."
Yesterday I bought a map of the world, gave my wife a dart, and said "Throw it at the map and I'll take you wherever it lands." We're going to spend two weeks behind the settee !
