I said to my wife last night, "Do you fancy going to a different bar for a drink?" She said, "Yeah, I'll get my jacket." I said, "Good, because I think I'm in with that blonde with the big t*ts stood at the bar."
Got a note through my door today that read, "Meet me 8pm tonight behind the bus garage if you like having your c*ck sucked - signed Kinky School Girl xxx" So I went there, waited for ages. No one turned up. Went back home. My house had been burgled.
OLE & LENA JOKE: Both Ole and Sven wanted some money, so they went to the bank for a loan. Sven went in first. "I want $10,000!" "What do you do for a living?" asked the manager. "I'm a pilot!" said Sven. "Well, that is a good profession!" said the manager, so he gave him the money. Then Ole went in and said, "I want $10,000 too!" "Well, what do you do for a living?" asked the manager. "I'm a lumberjack," he replied. "Well, I can't give a lumberjack that kind of money," said the manager. "Well, what's the deal with that, if I don't cut the wood, Sven can't pile it."
Question: at what point in a relationship is it acceptable to openly break wind? I'm in a cab with my blind date and she's not looking too impressed.
It shouldn't matter we all do it. The Queen did it infrom of the film crew for the Bond 007 movie with Daniel Craig.
Many years ago in our first house we were poor, so decided to take in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger.She asked if she could have a bath, but my wife told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire. "Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to snooker," she said.The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday. After her husband had gone to the club for his snooker match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed.She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said: "Next Monday, when you go to snooker, leave a little early and wait in the back garden.I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself."So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: "Do you shave?" "No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?""Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department.The girl finished her bath and went to bed.Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did you see it?" "Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours." "Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before." "I know," he said.... "but the snooker team hadn't!
