Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

I said to my wife last night, "Do you fancy going to a different bar for a drink?"
She said, "Yeah, I'll get my jacket."
I said, "Good, because I think I'm in with that blonde with the big t*ts stood at the bar."

 

Got a note through my door today that read, "Meet me 8pm tonight behind the bus garage if you like having your c*ck sucked - signed Kinky School Girl xxx"
So I went there, waited for ages. No one turned up.
Went back home. My house had been burgled.

 

I lost my job today at NASA MISSION CONTROL.
I misheard when they said....
"It's lunch time."

 

OLE & LENA JOKE:
Both Ole and Sven wanted some money, so they went to the bank for a loan. Sven went in first. "I want $10,000!"
"What do you do for a living?" asked the manager.
"I'm a pilot!" said Sven.
"Well, that is a good profession!" said the manager, so he gave him the money.
Then Ole went in and said, "I want $10,000 too!"
"Well, what do you do for a living?" asked the manager.
"I'm a lumberjack," he replied.
"Well, I can't give a lumberjack that kind of money," said the manager.
"Well, what's the deal with that, if I don't cut the wood, Sven can't pile it."

 

So warm today that even Prince Andrew is sweating.

 

Question: at what point in a relationship is it acceptable to openly break wind?
I'm in a cab with my blind date and she's not looking too impressed.

 

It shouldn't matter we all do it.
The Queen did it infrom of the film crew for the Bond 007 movie with Daniel Craig.

 

This is my last will and testament.
Being of sound mind, I have spent all my money!

 

Must be a slow day on the news front.