They say Childbirth is the most painful thing anyone can experience. Maybe I was to young to remember , But I don’t think it hurt that much.
You know you've still got it when you're walking across the beach with your missus and there's a couple of young girls waving at you while your missus isn't looking. There's no way that I was ever gonna swim out that far to save them though.
I went on a date with a woman whose online profile said she had an "infectious smile". She had cold sores.
A lot of blokes have nicknames for their c*cks and I was recently given a nickname for mine. It was by a woman while she was giving me a blow job. She named it the Impaler, at least that's what I thought. Turns out she was asthmatic and it's my fault she died.
The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question: "When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?" Suzy raised her hand and said "I think it's your hands.” "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.” “What a wonderful answer!" the nun said. Little Johnny raised his hand and said "Sister, I think it's your feet.” The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?" Little Johnny said "Well, I walked into mommy and daddy’s bedroom the other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying ‘Oh God, I'm coming.’ I gotta tell you, if dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her!"
