Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

I was so suspicious and paranoid about my missus having an affair, that we moved to the Shetland Isles.
I couldn't believe my luck when we still managed to keep the same milkman.

 

I once went 11 years without masturbating...
Then I had my 12th birthday.

 

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. they were both very much in favour of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10%, for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and "kick it up a notch."
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing at this point, they decided to try for 50% and the husband continued to feel quite well.
Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL of the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby boy with virtually no pain, she and her husband were ecstatic, but when they got home, the postman was dead in the porch !

 

A strong wind blew roses, dahlias, violets and lilies at me yesterday . . . . bloody storm Florist !

 

Is this someone who deserved that parking ticket

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That's a good rule

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I mixed 'I can't believe it's not butter' with my normal butter . . . . now I don't know what to believe !