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Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. C19RK73

    C19RK73 Red & White army!

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  2. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    My grandad was a golfer, and his dying wish was to be buried under the local shop.

    He's now 6 under Spar !
     
    #38902
  3. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    #38903
  4. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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  5. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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  6. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #38906

  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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  8. spirit of 73

    spirit of 73 Well-Known Member

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  9. spirit of 73

    spirit of 73 Well-Known Member

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    I had a call from a scammer the other day.
    Me: “Hello.”
    NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”
    Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”
    NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”
    Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”
    NOT-Microsoft support: “It’s okay Sir. We can help you right now. Are you in front of your device Sir?”
    Me: “Yes. I was just about to use it. I’m glad you called.”
    NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes Sir, we are going to help you. Can you please push the Start button?”
    Me: “I think it’s already on.”
    NOT-Microsoft support: “Okay, Sir. Now you want to click on Control Panel.”
    Me: “I don’t see that.”
    NOT-Microsoft support: “Do you see a bunch of information above the Start button?”
    Me: “Yes.”
    NOT-Microsoft support: “That is your Control Panel.”
    Me: “Wow, I didn’t realise it had a name.”
    NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes Sir, now press on Internet Options.”
    Me: “Yeah, I definitely don’t see any Internet options. I don’t think I purchased that feature. This is just a cheap one.”
    NOT-Microsoft support: “They all have the Internet, Sir. Press the Start button again.”
    Me: “Okay, it’s the same as before.”
    NOT-Microsoft support: “That’s okay Sir. We are going to restart your device. Can you please turn it off?”
    Me: “Um … I don’t know how. I’ve never turned it off. Since I bought it, it just kind of stays on all the time.”
    NOT-Microsoft support: “There must be an off button on your device. How do you stop it when it’s running?”
    Me: “In those cases, I usually press the big button.”
    NOT-Microsoft support: “Okay sir. Please press that button.”
    Me: “Okay.”
    NOT-Microsoft support: “Is your device off?”
    Me: “No. The door popped open.”
    NOT-Microsoft support: “Door? Is there a disc inside the door?”
    Me: “No, there’s a burrito.”
    NOT-Microsoft support: “Why is there a burrito in your computer?”
    Me: “Computer? I thought you said this was microwave support.”
    Jokes for Seniors - We Luvem All!
     
    #38909
  10. Gil T Azell

    Gil T Azell Well-Known Member

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    My wife said, "Can you give me a hand with this zip."
    I went over and started trying to pull it up, "It's no good," I replied. "It's going to break if I keep trying." She said, "What am I going to do?"
    I said, "You'll have to sleep outside the tent you fat bitch
     
    #38910
  11. spirit of 73

    spirit of 73 Well-Known Member

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  12. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    #38912
  13. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    #38913
  14. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    #38914
  15. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    #38915
  16. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing

    You're just like Frank.” Passenger: “Who?”Cabbie: “Frank Feldman… he's a guy who did everything right all the time

    Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”

    Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.” Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman

    He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis

    He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star

    And you should have heard him play the piano! He was an amazing guy.”

    Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.” Cabbie: “There's more

    He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday

    He knew all about wine, which foods to order, and which fork to eat them with. And he could fix anything

    Not like me -I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.”

    Passenger: “Wow, some guy then.” Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams

    Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good

    He would never answer her back, even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.

    He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”

    Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”

    Cabbie: “Well… I never actually met Frank . . . . but he died several years ago and I married his fecking wife.”
     
    #38916
    spirit of 73, Draig, Snaggey and 2 others like this.
  17. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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  18. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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    #38918
    Bob the Mackem and Draig like this.
  19. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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  20. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan Forum Moderator

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