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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Just got hospitalized due to a peekaboo accident.

    They put me in the ICU.
     
    #36581
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 25, 2025 at 11:18 PM
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #36582
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 25, 2025 at 11:19 PM
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I finally got to see a doctor today.
    I went and spoke to them on the picket line
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    #36583
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 26, 2025 at 10:01 PM
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I said to my wife: "When I die l'd like to die having sex."

    She replied: "At least it'll be quick."
     
    #36584
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 26, 2025 at 10:13 PM
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #36585
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 26, 2025 at 10:22 PM
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The Pubs are allowed to stay open until 1am on Sunday night for the Women's Euros final, and 6am if it goes to Penalties.
     
    #36586
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 26, 2025 at 10:41 PM
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An electrician didn't get home until after 2am. His wife asked: "Wire you insulate?"

    He replied: “Watts it to you, don’t be so negative, wire you blowing a fuse? I'm ohm, aren't I?" I suppose I’m grounded now!!”
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    #36587
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 28, 2025 at 5:02 PM
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #36588
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 28, 2025 at 5:26 PM
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #36589
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 28, 2025 at 5:31 PM
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #36590
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 28, 2025 at 6:16 PM
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #36591
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 28, 2025 at 6:45 PM
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  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Why did the Scarecrow win an award?
    He was outstanding in his field
     
    #36592
    antipodean exile, Jul 29, 2025 at 11:51 AM
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  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
    She seemed surprised
     
    #36593
    antipodean exile, Jul 29, 2025 at 11:54 AM
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  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Why don't scientists trust atoms?
    Because they make up everything.
     
    #36594
    antipodean exile, Jul 29, 2025 at 11:58 AM
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #36595
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 29, 2025 at 4:38 PM
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #36596
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 29, 2025 at 4:50 PM
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #36597
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 29, 2025 at 4:56 PM
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Our grandad was a golfer. His dying wish was to be buried under the local shop.

    He's now 6 under Spar.
     
    #36598
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 29, 2025 at 10:24 PM
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #36599
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 29, 2025 at 10:24 PM
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #36600
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 29, 2025 at 10:47 PM
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