Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

I phoned Heart FM today, to enter their mystery prize competition.
The presenter answered and said, "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you need to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our Mystery Grand Star Prize"..
"That's fantastic!" I called out in delight.
"Feel Confident?" The presenter asked, "It's a Geography Question."
"Well, I've got a degree in Geography from Oxford University," I proudly replied, "and I've taught Geography to A level students for the last 20 years"
"Ok then, to win our grand prize of 2 VIP tickets to a Newcastle game and to meet the players after the game, what is the capital of France?"
"Bradford", I replied.

 

I was sitting in a Chinese restaurant last night when it suddenly went dark, and the waiter came over and said: "You all need to start clapping".
`What a weirdo' I thought.
Anyway we all started to clap and the lights came on!
I said: "How did that happen?"
He replied "Old Chinese proverb, many hands make light work."

 

As you have deleted many of mine posted twice i think you will find i posted this one yesterday 38829 so i expect you will delete it as normal

As well as gills post 38826 which you also copied cheers gordon

 

I was talking to a woman at the bus-stop this morning and she told me that people call her Vivaldi.

I said to her “Is that because you’re a brilliant violinist ?"

She said “No . . . . it’s because my name is Viv and I work at Aldi.“

 

I recently spent £16,500 on this registered Black Angus bull.
I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow.
I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.
Anyway I had the vet come and take a look at him.
He said,, the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.
The bull started to service the cows within two days……. all my cows!
He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine!
I don't know what was in the pills the vet gave him
but they kind of taste like peppermint.

 

My wife asked me about my fantasies the other day.
I said, "Well, I want you naked and under me... with my hand on your neck."
She said with a cheeky grin, "Right before we have sex?"
"Sex?" I replied.

 

When your getting married at 1pm but the games on at 3pm!

 

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