Leaving the pub last night I was in a right f*cking state. throwing up rolling around on the floor in a pool of my own vomit a friendly old man came over to see if I was o.k. "O.k do I look o.k to you" I replied "when I get home and my wife sees me like this she is gonna f*cking kill me" The old man helps me up and says. "let me give you some advice son. Get a £10 note put it in your top pocket and when you get home explain to the wife you kindly stopped on the way home to help some poor drunk who was sick on you so gave you a tenner for dry cleaning" Got home and the wife starts shouting at me until I explain about the poor guy I helped and the tenner for dry cleaning. Reaching into my pocket she says "But there's a £20 note here" I know I replied the dirty b*stard **** in my pants too.
I walked past a bus stop earlier and graffiti on it said Diane is a slapper. I thought how mean thoughtless and inconsiderate that was. No phone number, no email, nothing!!.
Just been watching the Amputee's in the Olympics... Did you know Jamaica have gone 23 games without defeet?
I went to a fish restaurant last night and ordered the Octopus. The waiter said, "It takes 4 hours to cook." I replied, "Why?" He said, "Because it keeps turning the gas off!"
