I got called lazy today ......I wouldn't mind but i was right in the middle of taking the Christmas decorations down.
A recent accident in my dry cleaners has left me unable to have sex for at least 3 weeks They’ve f*cked my balaclava up !
I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally sh*t your pants, but he's still making fun of me.
Why is it that when someone working behind a bar thinks I've had too much to drink, they won't serve me anymore? Yet......... Macdonalds would ever stop serving fat tw*ts
My wife is working late at the hospital tonight so, just before she is due home, I'm going to run a hot bath with her favourite bath salts, light perfumed candles around the rim, and have a nice bottle of champagne chilled and ready. Then I'm going to enjoy a long soak while she cooks my dinner.
I know it’s bragging but when you’ve worked so hard all your life and finally manage to save up to treat yourself, I can’t express how happy I’m feeling!! White was the only colour but it doesn’t matter, I’ve finally got some garden chairs please log in to view this image