Jokes

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The wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring.
"Where did you get that ring?" her husband asks.
"Well, she replies, "My boss and I played the lottery and we won, so I bought it with my share of the winnings."
A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat.
Where did you get that coat?" her husband asks.
She replies "My boss and I played the lottery and we won again, so I bought It with my share of the winnings."
Another week later, his wife comes home, driving a flaming red Ferrari.......You guessed it !!!
Her share of the lottery winnings....
That night, the wife asks her husband to run her a nice warm bath while She gets undressed.
When she enters the bathroom, she finds that there is barely enough water in the bath to cover the bath plug.
"What the f*ck is this?" she asks her husband.
"Well," he replies, "We don't want to get your f*cking lottery ticket wet, do we??"

 

An M&S reference (they sell strawberry and cream sandwiches) for those who may be scratching their heads. I only learnt this from t'internet.

 

Thank fook it's not the ugly ones.

 

Mines a !!!!

 

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I remember when Shoreditch was a no holds barred dive. So my mates and I spent a fair amount of time there when around the City for various reasons. Couldn't move for late night drinking dens and strip joints. Watched us play AS Roma in one. Wife was with us, she came into the big screen room to tell me that the strippers were back on, but I was dedicated to watching the team.

 

So, you admit to preferring to watch men in shorts to women with nothing on? Get off this site you pervert.

 

I feel sorry for the pug bet its arse has an opening like a donuts ring

 

Only white shorts I'll have you know. I have standards.