The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger...In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days. "Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request?' The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the Horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse. But I will still kill you in two days." "What is your SECOND request?" The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your LAST request?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse...alone." The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, "Listen Very Carefully!!! "FOR...THE...LAST...TIME..." "BRING POSSE"
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electric bill I am scared of the lights....
I had an appointment with a fortune teller this morning. She told me a lot of money was coming my way. I left all excited and got run over by a Securicor van!
I was on a date last night and she said to me "I only slept with 3 guys before meeting you". I said "Bloody hell love, I was only half an hour late!".....
My friend sometimes puts her favourite chocolate bars in different wrappers. She got a bit mixed up yesterday and got her snickers in a twix.
My grandfather drowned in a vat of beer at the brewery he worked in. It took him 3 hours to die, it would have been quicker but he kept getting out to go to the toilet
I phoned my boss this morning. "I'm on the train heading to the south coast now." "What?" He answered, sounding a bit annoyed. "It's 5 o' clock in the morning! What are you doing on a train?" "You tell me," I replied. "You're the one who told me to be in Brighton early this morning!"
Naked A beautiful young woman very liberated, walks into a bar completely naked. She stands in front of the bartender and says "Serve me a cold beer!" The bartender serves her the beer and stares at her, not moving. "What wrong?" she says "Have you ever seen a naked woman?" "Yes, many times!" the bartender replies Then what do you look? the woman asks. "I want to see where you're going to get the money to pay for beer!"
Our local greengrocers is called Mamas 'n' Papas. I bought a head of lettuce from there the other day, but couldn't eat it 'cos all the leaves were brown !
I have learned that if you upset your wife, she nags you, but if you upset her even more, you get the silent treatment. Does anyone else think it's worth the extra effort?
Flight Fact: Ryanair have won ‘the most unpopular airline’ trophy 6 years in a row. If they win it again next year, they'll break the record set by the Luftwaffe !
A woman couldn't keep a boyfriend so she went to the doctor and told him. He said strip off and stand away with your back to the wall. She did this then he said, 'Now bend over and look at me through your legs. She did this and he said, 'You've got Zacharies disease' She said 'What's that' He said, 'Your face look Zachary like your arse'
So a fella walks into a pub with a biscuit tin and a mouse. He says to the barman: "Watch this". He sticks the mouse on top of the biscuit tin and it starts dancing. The barman says: "Blimey, how long does he dance for?" "As long as you like," said the fella. "I’ll give you £50 for it" says the barman. "Sold," said the fella. That night the fella gets a call from the barman. "How do we stop the mouse dancing, the tapping is driving us mad?" The fella says: "Lift the lid off the biscuit tin and blow out the candle".
