The following is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year-old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. ---------------------------- To whom it may concern, I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his depositing the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly transfer of funds from my modest savings account, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty-one years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has recently become. From now on.., I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status form which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Please allow me to level the playing field even further. When you call me, you will now have a menu of options on my new voice mail system to choose from. Please press the buttons as follows: Press 1: To make an appointment to see me. Press 2: To query a missing payment. Press 3: To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. Press 4: To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. Press 5: To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. Press 6: To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. Press 7: To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact. Press 8: To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee of $50 to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. Please credit my account after each occasion. Your Humble Client...
Bit of a coincidence reading this, because it was only within the last couple of days that I noticed Lloyds Banking Group have started to list the three names of their group on their banking app, for those that don't know that is Lloyds, Halifax and Bank of Scotland. In the past they had always tried to keep the entity names seperate on the whole, but now they have become faceless banking they now don't mind highlighting more publically who the group consist of.
My online Halifax still doesn't mention Lloyds mind you considering the disgraceful irresponsible (and thats being polite the Telegrapph financial section weren't so "polite" ) behaviour of some senior people at Halifax which led to the Govt pressuring Lloyds to take them over to rescue them i aint surpprised
I had to think for a few moments then, yeah I forgot Halifax were part of Bank of Scotland (HBOS). Was that the rescue bid that meant they had to give up TSB due to banking ownership rules...something like that anyway - I'm thinking it was to do with European banking regulations (the loss of TSB). Edit: demerger was the word I was looking for in regards to TSB.
TSB can't remember but Lloyds bailing out HBOS was during the banking crash . letting the Building societies become banks turned into a disaster and it's noticeable the only one that survived never became a bank .
@PINKIE I saw a job advertised as a fanny waxers assistant. Job includes removing ladies knickers, prepare fanny for waxing and rub oil in after waxing When i asked at the job centre they said i had to go to Cornwall. I said why, is that where the job is? No they said thats where the back of the ****ing queue is
Made me laugh! Bexley Gazette Fathers Day Ideas News: This Father’s Day why not treat the Dad in your life to their very own set of abject misery causing temporary traffic lights? Just think, no more waiting around for a Polish bloke in a Hi-Viz from the council to rock up & cause absolute havoc on Bexley's roads! Simply set these temporary lights up in a location of your choice, and then just **** right off and leave them! You really don't have to do a thing! You don't even need to leave a wheelbarrow or a broom, It really is that simple. Fancy bringing Danson Road to a standstill again? No problem! Perhaps North Cray Rd needs backing up to Ruxley? Well Crack on! How about bringing Bexley Village to a complete halt yet again? Of course you can! Fancy causing utter chaos on the Broadway? Why the **** not!! These temporary lights come with their own handy trailer so anywhere where traffic is flowing freely can be reduced to bumper to bumper traffic within seconds!! For just £720 you can treat Dad to his own piece of misery!!
When incels hear Lily Allen now has an Onlyfans but only shows pictures of her feet...... please log in to view this image
I'm going to set up a Onlyfans with only pictures of my feet, but pretend to be some female celebrity. How would anyone know?... besides the hairy ankles. which I suppose I could shave in my route to riches.
Absolutely brilliant. Does my head in when you sit on the phone hoping to speak to a human being, go through 8 options across 5 sub-menus only to hear an automated "For more information, please visit our website at www.needlesslymakingyouangry.co.uk. Goodbye."
