Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

The dentist said, "I'm going to give you helium gas."
"Will that stop me from feeling any pain?" I asked.
"No," he replied, "but when you scream it'll be f*cking hilarious."

 

Oh dear.

 

⚠️BREAKING NEWS⚠️
Police are questioning a man in connection with the fire at Prime Minister Keir Starmer's house!!..

 

Brilliant!

 

Once again my fine fellow you have lowered our extremely low standards. I dont believe a snake with tits could get this low.
PS, nicked for facey tho

 

My wife sent me a text last week:
'When you get home from work I'm going to strip naked and do a sexy dance for you'
So far I have accumulated 94 hours overtime

 

The Madam opened the brothel door in Belfast and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties:

“May I help you sir?” She asked.

The man replied. “I want to see Rosie.”

“Sir, Rosie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else.” Said the madam.

He replied. “No, I must see Rosie.”

Just then, Rosie appeared and announced to the man she charged £10,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten thousand pounds and gave it to Rosie and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Rosie. Rosie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. “There are no discounts. The price is still £10,000.”

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Rosie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Rosie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Rosie said to the man. “No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?”

The man replied. “Falls Road .”

“Really.” She said. “I have family on the Falls Road.”

“I know.” The man said. “Your sister died and I am her Solicitor. She asked me to give you your £30,000 inheritance.”

The moral of this story is, that three things in life are certain:

1. Death.

2. Taxes.

3. Being screwed by a lawyer....

 

I've spent all of my life savings on a sex change operation . . . . now I haven't got a sausage !