Following news of the dreadful fire at Kier Starmer's house, I set up a page asking for donations. So far I've received 75 litres of petrol, 20 gas cylinders, 210 wooden pallets, 50 box of matches, 90 cigarette lighters, and half a ton of out of date Chinese fireworks.
If my body was a car, I'd trade it in for a newer model because every time I cough or sneeze, my radiator leaks and my exhaust backfires.
You have probably heard of the Glasgow Kiss and the French kiss, but have you heard about the Aussie Kiss ? It's the same as the French Kiss, but down under.
I can relate to this, I was checking out a letter box once, about to put a letter in it …. and it moved!
My wife knows nothing about football. l asked her if she rated George Best, and she said she preferred Zippy and Bungle!
Me: "Excuse me, I want clothes for a toddler” Assistant: “Have you looked for 18-24 months?” Me: “No, I've only just turned up”