OK...there's lots of serious and interesting debate on the board about what we do after the final. Most of us are not confident of victory or are getting more and more nervous and next Wednesday approaches. Thought it would be good to bring together the most outrageous predictions for the build up, the final itself and the aftermath. I'll go first...Levy to sack Ange and bring back Jose for the final... and I wish I could say it wasn't possible
Both Amorim and Ange resign after losing 5-0 at the weekend. Levy appoints Son as player manager and Man Utd go for Wayne Rooney. Son picks himself at Left back and we win 6-5 having been 3-0 down at half time. Son resigns and Ange is reinstated.
The night before the game, the entire playing squads of both teams all change their names to Englebert von Crapmeister III. The TV companies refuse to televise it, so Bodo Glimt and Atletic Bilbao are reinstated. The game is played by both club's women's teams in front of an empty stadium. Ange claims a moral victory for his philosophy and West Ham add the 2025 UEFA Europa League to the 'War Cup 1940' on their roll of honour.
Levy installs himself as the new number 9 and after getting special Europa clearance to play does a hammy in the first ten minutes. Ange brings on Kinsky in a revolutionary new "two goalkeeper" formation and win 5 - 0 as Utd can't counter it.
Ange goes full ‘down under’ for the game and insists the players do the full game in handstands. We concede a penalty every minute for handball and the match gets abandoned at 10-0 when Romero eviscerates Ange with his bare feet. Van de Ven has already been subbed off at this point as he pulls his ‘handstring’.
All of the Tottenham starting 11 pull their hamstrings in the warm up. The 'reserves put in an excellent performance and are drawing as we enter added time Reggie spots Onana off his line and lobs him from the half way line, the ball is clearly over the line when Onana 'saves' it but a freak outage of the goal line technology means the refs watch tells him it didn't cross the line as we celebrate the 'winner' United walk the ball in to win the game.
Ange gets special dispensation to re-register Timo Werner who goes on to score the winner which results in all members of Spurs Not606 getting “It’s Timo Time” tatted on our chests inside a big heart.
The game and extra time ends in a dull 0-0 draw. No shots on target for either side. Stats show that the ball boys enjoy more possession than either side. Both teams then miss all penalties in the shoot-out. UEFA, under immense pressure from television schedulers to get on with it, awards the trophy to Chelsea.
We learn the true meaning of "Ange ball" when Ange replaces the actual ball to be used with one that can only be seen in the infra red spectrum. True the team find it a bit hard to run around while wearing night vision devices, but since ManU can't see the ball at all it is not too much of a disadvantage. Spurs win 37-1 (ManU take the lead when the team can't initially work out which direction they are supposed to go in, but sort it out after that).
Jim Ratfink steps into a phone booth in a public square to make a call to his accountant only for the door to swing shut behind him and he discovers he is locked in, thinking it would be cheaper than paying roaming charges and there is zero chance he would need to pay taxes on a €5 phone card At first he finds it mildly amusing as he assumes it is a matter of time before somebody opens the door from outside and he'll soon be free. Before long a couple of burly workmen come along and try to free him, but the door is stuck fast, and in their attempt one of the workmen unwittingly rips the handle off the door, and at this point a crowd starts to form around the phone booth Soon a local tough tries to ram the door down with his own body, only to bounce off the plexiglass as the assembled crowd laugh at him instead of Ratfink, so the local tough gives up and leaves in shame Eventually a passing construction truck sees what is going on and one of the workers takes his pneumatic drill and is preparing to smash through the glass with the drill bit when a truck from the telephone company arrives and the phone box is carried away with Ratfink still inside, the assembled crowd assuming all will be well once he gets back to the depot As the truck drives through Bilbao, mind, Ratfink sees another telephone company truck pull up next to it at the traffic lights, and on the flatbed is an identical phone booth with a man trapped inside, and in that moment their eyes meet and both come to the conclusion that this cannot be an unfortunate coincidence yet neither are able to escape, at which point the second truck takes a different route through the city After driving through the city for some time the truck which Ratfink is on drives through the outskirts of the city, and soon afterwards is driving through the countryside as the sun slowly starts to settle in the sky, yet there is no indication of when or where the truck will reach the depot - that is until it enters a tunnel in the side of a mountain, a tunnel which seems to go on for longer than makes any sense, until finally the truck comes to a stop and the phone box is removed from the back of the flatbed, where it is placed on top of a pile of identical phone boxes in a cavern filled with dozens upon dozens of phone boxes As he looks at his surrounding, Ratfink sees the phone box containing the man he saw on the other truck earlier, though the man has committed suicide by wrapping the corn of the telephone receiver around his neck and hung himself, and it does not take Ratfink long to discover why: inside the booths that surround him, stretching off into the distance, are the skeletons of people trapped inside months if not years before, a fate which is waiting Jim Ratfink, and all he can do is sink to his knees in despair knowing he will share their fate
It starts as an open exciting game with Spurs on top, but Utd are dangerous down the wings. Spurs get 2 goals ahead and refuse to sit on the lead and eventually go 3 up.
