I’m needing to disentangle this club from my life somewhat. When we win a game, I read every report,, read the threads on here, read the opponents forums, listen to all the podcasts, watch the club videos, look at the league table and look at the fixtures ahead. When we lose I just want to shut the world down until the next game. I’m irritable and it impacts my home life. Even reading the reports of unrest at the club today, financial messes, never mind the prospect of relegation and it has me feeling down further. I’ve got to the point, I need to care less about this club as it’s doing me no favours. I’m not sure how I’m going to do it but it’s something I need to do. I just needed to write this down on here to start the process.
Choose a non-league second team and start enjoying watching football again, Willy. That would be my suggestion. I spend some of my time in Greece and in the last two or three years have started supporting the local team there (who’ve been doing well, so it’s an excellent antidote). But I also occasionally watch National League South games which can be fun (although Hampton and Richmond at the moment are almost as depressing as the Tigers).
Can relate. I've been a bit more active than usual as of lately, but felt a bit similar. Should probably take a "break" again. I removed not606 as shortcut in the the task bar (or whatever it's called in English). Found myself reading just for the sake of it, got tired of all the toxicity and pointless arguments, so removed it. Feel that I'm more productive without it I watched the Derby game with a mate and it completely shot my mood for the rest of the evening. And this is probably enough of a warning sign.... "Gotta check what they think, same pessimism? " etc etc
Outside of football what else do you put your time into? As harsh as it sounds for me I used to be the exact same and have scintillating losses of control on this forum/X, my only real hobby outside of a few token gym sessions a week was footy and getting hammered (dont get me wrong I still love both of those things lol) but as I’ve grown older I got bang into combat sports, surfing and learning languages, this has been couple with marked improvements in my career and seeing doors opening up in Europe. Once I started to see the benefits of true discipline and investment into myself I now no longer get upset about football what so ever, I love watching with my friends, family etc and having a few beers so when I do find time to do it it’s a true pleasure and relaxation. a good mantra for anything is if it is out of your control then do not let it get to you, this all depends on other men’s efforts and achievements none of us can have any real impact so relax, enjoy the ride and try to find something new alongside footy to put time into?
Thanks for that reply NJ - I definitely see the benefits of widening my interests. Work and young family seem to take up all of my time but I think that’s an illusion I’ve created for myself and really could find the time if I just stopped ‘running on the treadmill’ and just made time for other things. It’s got me thinking anyway
You’re a man doing his best to provide and stay healthy for his young family, don’t beat yourself up too much about getting too involved, escapism is key in this modern world Willy. I will caveat though that I’m at a stage in life where I don’t have that responsibility yet which obviously takes up a lot of time but yeah… find something you’ve always wanted to do, mental or physical but something that requires an element of challenge to improve at or something that makes you a bit nervous. I found languages for example did loads for my mental health as I haven’t properly applied my brain to learn something in years, it’s been a magical experience and when I met my girlfriends parents (southern Italian no English) I was terrified but could actually manage to speak to them it was very rewarding and lit the fire further. If you’re tread-milling and not enjoying it it becomes awfully boring doesn’t it, I can’t bloody stand running but if I’m engaged in sport it’s a completely different kettle of fish plus the community aspect is a cracking side effect of it. (EDIT: Had a thought on the bog that escapism comment is the key, that’s what football is and why I think I’ve grown to enjoy it a lot more in a more balanced way, it’s something to enjoy and if it gets too much I remember it’s a tool to escape from the true pressures in life and not a source of it, that helps)
Some great comments which I agree with, I’ve found since my mum died I don’t care as much or as deeply about City , I get it’s important to some , but I’d happily accept us been in national conference , if I could go for tea at my mums again and moan to my dad about the game . There’s more much more worthy things to get stressed over than football
One thing is for sure and that’s sharing (even if with a bunch of strangers in a forum) does help. Heading home to sit in the sun with a coffee to contemplate.
This has reminded me , I registered with one of the mental health talk things after discussions on here, was told I’d get a phone call back within 65 days, 78 days ago . As it goes I feel a lot better anyway but I can see why people struggle when really relying on help .
Hi all Really struggling with loneliness and dont know what to do. I have plenty of people around me, wife and kids who are great and work colleagues who just that work colleagues, and friends who only message they are good guys and say the right thing but don't meet up. I know all the advice is to talk but how if you dont see friends to talk to and I can't just go ask people "please be my friend" I'm not confident enough to just join groups and if I did I'd just be quiet and not be confident enough to speak to anyone Don't really know what I want from this post. Maybe thought it would make me feel better putting it down but to be honest I just feel worse and a sad loser
mate I know exactly what you are going through some days I even hope my kids don’t visit,tried loads of different meds and I always prefer to be on my own,I also think sometimes I might go out and try get rid of the frustration by getting myself in to some sort of predicament, i do like my family coming round but even when they are here I feel they are not. The one thing that always seems to help me is my dog strange as it might seem even more so then the people closet to me, I don’t know if you have a dog or a pet but you can’t help but see that they always want to be with you and that really helps stupid as it may seem. As for groups I tried those but like you I just sat there feeling out of place now I just talk to my doctor she lets me make an appointment even if I don’t need meds as she knows the chats are important to me, she even told the reception when I call to tell her and fit me in always maybe that’s a path to try it’s nice having a one to one with someone who will listen. Friends I don’t really need I have learned one way or another sometimes it’s better to know your enemy in this case the illness/depression, your not a loser admitting something is wrong is not what a loser does, admitting something is wrong takes courage so you should think along those lines it does help a bit makes you feel not so down about yourself. Maybe also try some type of hobby club or sports club like fishing ,golf,hobby type things so you meet people with the same interest as yourself that may help. What area are you based I am in the south east if you are near you could meet up for a chat and tea/coffee if it helps.
Thanks for the reply You make alot of sense Unfortunately you're a long way from me but thanks for the offer.
Then find a club with an interest some kind of hobby/pass time new interest and new people with the same interest will help, also meeting new people is something that is separate from your normal everyday life and with the new hobby or interest is new people which could help fill that void you have.
Sounds similar to how I was feeling, getting my mates out is a nightmare , need 6 months notice . It got me thinking though , not sure how old you are , I’m 42 - when my dad and mum we’re 42 , they hardly ever went out . They had 3 kids at home and the suggestion they would go boozing on a Saturday night for example was crazy - it got me wondering has something changed in society , now it does a seem a bit more normal for people in their forties / fifties / sixties to still meet up regularly etc… maybe my dad was just a bit boring but none of my school mates parents seemed to either . I remember I used to ask my dad why he had no mates, but I think he basically gave them up to be a family man instead , It’s like back then forties we’re proper adults doing adult things , and now I’m in my forties I still don’t feel like one .. haha,
Just sounds like a midlife crisis, mate. By your 40s, with a family, you generally know what the future holds.. graft, provide, get few thanks for it until your children are adults and life gets a bit monotonous and repetitive, then you retire, unless you're one of the lucky few working with their passion or earning enough wonga to not give a ****. Not sure that going on the piss with friends in similar situations helps - firstly, the hangovers are worse and secondly, if you're in the same boat, it's a misery drink and might make you feel more alone afterwards. Perhaps need to make life a bit more exciting, come out your 'comfort zone' and forge your own path and do it alone... Then you'll find that your mates in the same situation will be contacting you to go out and share the secret. I do not advise it, but I had an affair in my early 40s with a younger woman, who knew where the land lay and that i wouldn't leave my family, and it sounds ridiculous, but it helped my marriage go on for another 15 years, because it made life more exciting and the guilt made me tolerate the things in life that were pissing me off. Clearly, there's healthier solutions, such as taking up triathlons, building a model railway in your loft or acting in 'gay for pay' porn, so you've got to find what works for you. But don't leave it too late, or you'll retire with regrets.
Thanks for the replies Maybe is a midlife crisis I'm not sure as I am late 40's It's not really the wanting to go out and get pissed but just someone to have a couple with would be nice. I have tried playing golf but everyone already had their groups and find it hard to integrate. I even find going to City hard and that's not just due to the lack of wins. I really enjoy watching football but do find it sad going to games on my own and sitting on my own. I'll get over this feeling I always do and just hope that the older I get the less bothered I am
