My partner took me out for a meal and said " Why don't you order something you haven't had in ages". So I asked the waitress for a shag.
COUNCILS .. Save money on expensive lollipop people and ensure the safety of the children by building schools on the other side of the road
Learned an interesting fact during my visit to the zoo today; The North American raccoon is the only other animal that will perform oral sex. The rest of the enclosures, I couldn't climb into.
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says "No no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently" the pro replied "just like you'd hold your wife's breast". The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW! He hits the ball 250 yards straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard". "What can I do?" asks the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis". The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway... about 15 feet. "That was great" the pro says with a straight face. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing it like you're supposed to!"
I recently retired from my full time job as a gynaecologist, but I decided to go back part time . . . . just to keep my hand in !
God created man, stepped back and said "perfect!" He then created woman, stepped back, had a long look and said "F*ck me! this"ll have to wear make up!"
