I renewed my car insurance over the phone this morning, and as I was about to hang up the woman on the other end asked if I had a pet. I said, "Yes, I’ve got a dog." She said, "Would you like to insure him too?" I said, "No thanks, he can't drive!"
Another very old one . . . . I got a lift at the sixteenth floor, and as I got out the operator said "Have a good day, son." "Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad !" He said: “No . . . . but I brought you up, didn't I."
Our sex life had gone a bit dry and my wife kept complaining to me. My mate suggested that I try using rohypnol, so I did. I got home, poured some wine and slipped some into one of the drinks. It was great, I couldn't remember a f*cking thing.
As I stood at the bus stop having a smoke, I was surprised to see the bus leaving before its scheduled time. I could've sworn I put the f*cking handbrake on
In the quiet of night, I used to hear a soft female voice coming from my tooth, saying "Je t'adore .... Je t'adore". I went to the dentist a week ago, and he replaced the amalgam - I have not heared the voice since. When I asked him about it, he said "You've lost that loving filling!"
Most of the meat that I eat is from vegan animals, or dead animals so that they're not harmed, so I'm doing my bit
