You know that you’re old when you enter your year of birth online . . . . you have to spin that thing like you’re on Wheel of Fortune !
I've just bought a bottle of Fred Flintstone aftershave, which is very powerful and you don't need much . . . . a little dab'll do !
A young British soldier lost his head during a fire fight and ran for cover some distance from the action. He had not only lost his prized beret but had also lost his webbing and weapon. He was crouched down behind a wall when he felt a hand grip his shoulder and heard a calming American voice behind him say, "What the f*ck do you think you"re doing here, soldier? Think of your regiment...get back there and do what you"re paid to do." The young soldier got himself back under control and said, "Sorry, mate, you"re right." The voice behind him bellowed, "MATE? I am an American Officer!" The young soldier replied, "Sorry, Sir, I didn"t realise I"d run back that far."
A woman and a baby are in a doctor"s surgery, where the doctor is concerned about the baby"s weight. "Is he bottle or breastfed?" asks the doctor. The woman replies, "breast". With that, the doctor orders her to strip to her waist so he can examine her breasts. After pinching her nipples and sucking and rubbing both of her breasts for some time the doctor says, "No wonder the baby is under weight - you have no milk!" The woman replies, "I know, I"m his Nan - but I"m glad I came."
