Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

I can relate to this.

 

Another owldy

 

As I sat naked on the edge of the bed sobbing, my wife consoled me.

"Hey, chin up, I'm sure it happens to lots of guys" she sympathised "Is there anyone we can call?",

"No!" I wailed, "They'll say the usual 'try again later' or 'try something different,' I'm a failure."

"Hey" she whispered, "You never fail me, I love you no matter what. We'll get there in the end."

"Promise?" I sniffed,

"I promise." She smiled and stood up; "Now, come on, forget the Guinness book of Records, let's get those 27 smarties out from under your foreskin."

 

Sorry

 

What do you call an alligator in a vest ?
An investigator lol

 

I went to the horse racing for the first time ever at the weekend. I haven't got a clue about betting, so I walked up to the counter and said, "Excuse me. Could you explain to me what an each way bet is please?"

The man said, "No problem Sir. An each way bet is split into two stakes. The first is a bet on the horse to win. The second is a proportional bet on the horse to finish in a place. This can be first, second, third or even fourth, depending on the amount of horses running in the race."

I said, "That sounds perfect for me! Can I have two pounds each way on number four please?"

"No," he replied.

"Oh," I said, "And why's that?"

"This is the f*cking hot dog stand."

 

I asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up. That's when I knew that we weren't gonna work out !

 

Yet another owldy

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