My wife is doing a parachute jump tomorrow, and I’m genuinely concerned that her chute won’t open. The last time something that big hit the planet, the f*cking dinosaurs got wiped out.
I was very niave sexually. My first girlfriend asked me to do missionary and I buggered off to Africa for six months..
Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband: Nothing. Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'