I got home from work to find that my kids have been on eBay all day. If they're still on there tomorrow, I'll lower their price.
I said to my wife in bed last night, "Do you have to scratch during sex?" She said, "Shhh, I think I've won a tenner!"
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?" Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember. The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband - "I love you, Sweetheart." Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message. Below are 11 hilarious replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way? 1. Who the hell is this? 2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what? 3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong? 4. What now? Did you wreck the car again? 5. I don't understand what you mean. 6. What the hell did you do now? 7. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need. 8. Am I dreaming? 9. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die. 10. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day. 11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?. ........
