been hesitant to put this on here , dont like oversharing , but im having a slow work day and need others opinions- i struggle with anger a bit, ( nothing serious like hitting anyone , make that clear from the start ) but i get angry and annoyed at everything. i get angry in traffic, every little minor inconvenience in life, my kids been kids and been annoying, strangers in asda- just everything annoys me more then it should, things that other people would just tut over, i get proper stressed out by it. it sounds funny, and i play up to a bit at work- have this reputation of been grumpy victor meldrew, but i got thinking last weekend , not sure it is normal. I googled it and it keeps bringing up depression, which i dont feel at all, but then did that thing of reading symptoms and not sleeping was one, which i very rarely do sleep well anyway- and now cant get it off my mind. my dad gets quite annoyed and angry about stuff in a simailar way and im just wondering if its something ive picked up from him, worrying now my kids get really angry at insignificant stuff and im pretty sure they are getting that from me, i feel really guilty about shouting at them, as i have a loud voiuce anyway so sometimes when i start shouting it is probably way over the top for young kids and that leads to days of guilt and worry ( which doesnt help the sleep) i get annoyed at my wife as she is very laid back- the exact oppisite to my stress, so im always getting at her cos she doesnt sort stuff out she says she will, and that leads to me feeling even more stressed, its all just a vicious cycle. im pretty sure the anger comes from stress, i worry about money, i worry about paying for a holiday in 2026 even though not even sorted 2025 yet. i worry about my dad dying and how im gona tell my kids even though hes not even Ill or anything- all this just goes round my head constantly and then i just get angry as i think its cos my brain isnt ever resting. its more of a Basil Fawlty type anger when he loses it, but unlike Basil, it doesnt take 30 mins of humorous build up to get me like that, just anything not quite right or mildly frustrating just sets it off.. i guess what im asking is some reassurance that anybody else know where im coming from and feel the same,? got any good tips, i really dont wanna be going to doctors over this as i genuinely dont think its anything, just my personality.
Been through all that myself mate Unfortunately it’s just life and how it is in your situation Working dad,kids etc etc Don’t suppose the diet is fun either that you mentioned? What’s your release? Play five a sides? You need a stress buster
no, just gym but i dont enjoy that , its more of a necessity... haha very hard to get a night out, dont have many babysitters and my mates now need 6 months written notice to have a night out.. i just wish i could switch my brain off and relax occasionally and let things wash over me a bit more, like my mrs does. control the controllables as Nigel used to say
Do something you do enjoy rather than gym Go running if you can as you can do it when kids in bed maybe As a man I don’t think it’s easy to let it wash over you as you feel responsible for everything
my mum passed away a couple of years ago, but i cant use that as an excuse as i have been like this for absolutely ages.but she was the person i used to talk too about stuff, she would help me a bit. my dad is no use with this stuff, and my wife tries but she openly admits she doesnt really know what to say. it helps just typing it out to be fair and speaking out loud, i bottle a lot of this up in my head and it goes round and round , just feels a bit better saying it/typing it out loud and getting it out my head and into the world.
Bit of a random one but tonight’s episode of Eastenders centres around Phil Mitchell’s mental health, psychosis and trauma. It’s a bit of a different episode on at 19:30. Some may find it hard to watch and some may find it helpful in its portrayal.
I've got young kids and definitely relate to a lot of where you're coming from. I'm more laidback than my wife but still get frustrated with the kids and then feel guilty about it afterwards. For me lack of sleep definitely affects it. Like Chazz said, I find that doing something I enjoy helps. I play 5 a side once a week for an hour and I look forward to it every week. I've been to the cinema a couple of times on my own as well, just switched my phone off and tried not to think about anything else, but I know that's probably not for everyone. Feel free to send me a message if you ever wanna talk about it.
You've almost answered your own question there, get some help! Typing it out on here to nobody in particular might be half the solution, having someone to say it to face to face could be the other half. I'm talking about counselling, somebody trained and experienced in working with people who feel the way you do. This mostly rules out family and friends, they largely just feel they're expected to offer advice which they don't know how to do. Of course it costs money and I don't know what your circumstances are but if you can manage it then do it. Try 2 or 3 different people until you feel comfortable with one then persevere with it. Might be awkward at first but a good one won't judge you and I'm sure it'll help.
yeah i might do, im just gaugeing if its normal what i feel. im one of those who thinks mental health is too broader term and gets thrown around too much these days, people get tired, people get angry, people get stressed its just normal life isnt it, and dont want to start making more of it then it actually is , if plenty of other people feel same way . i want mental health services to be used by people who genuinely need them.
If it helps I ve spent my life from a young age over thinking worrying planning , not slept properly since I was 23 , just accept if I sleep I do if I don’t I don’t . I can go days with 5or so hours sleep or 7 broken up several times . Family are all hyper in some way , my wife is total opposite deals with things as they arise never concerned over ‘what might happen ‘ only deals with it if it does . Takes her time and puts absolutely no pressure on me to get anything done , I usually have to do it immediately in my head . I know I shouted at my girls and I realise now it was only money , work and tiredness . If your wife can not put any pressure on you that will help and if financial can share the money load that would be good . Personally I still get angry at a lot of things because they are things I have no direct control of so that is very frustrating especially politics social issues etc if I see something wrong I want to sort it but can’t do it can eat away at you . I get frustrated at those people who live in a bubble and shrug their shoulders about things they should have a say about , but indifference or ignorance seems to give them peace of mind - lucky sods?!! You are not alone my only suggestion is get easy with who you are and what you are if you can you might like yourself more . I know it’s deep but there are others like you. , me for one I think .
There's no quick fix to the human condition; counselling, talking, writing etc have all helped people manage their lives however. There's probably something there that will help you, you just need to find out what it is. The only thing I'd add to what others have said is to be kind to yourself. You're worrying about your family - that's inbuilt in our psyche as we desire to keep them safe - but too often we forget that as well as looking after them we need to look after ourselves as well. That's not selfish or something to feel guilty about, it's a necessity. It's like when the air stewardess does the safety announcement; made sure that you put your own oxygen mask on before helping others. You're no use to anyone if you haven't ensured you can breathe first.
You like others have payed for health services - there are different levels for different types of health needs, you might not need the most 'serious' but services like https://www.letstalkhull.co.uk/ or the equivalent in ER were set up for problems like yours and others similar. You can 'refer' yourself directly without involving your GP - what would be the loss in contacting them to see if they can help?
I am currently on anti depressants and a lot of the symptoms I exhibited are as you describe. I have always been one of life's worriers and would often have sleepless nights worrying about the strangest of things. I've also never been the greatest sleeper even when I wasn't worrying. My issues started when I'd get snappy with my wife for the smallest things. I was also snappy when driving, etc. My wife persuaded me to talk to my GP and I was put on anti depressants. Not all meds suit everyone and I've been through various ones before I found one that seems to be working for me. I have also done an online Cognitive Behaviour Therapy course, all of this is through the NHS. I still have some of the issues, but overall I am in a much better place than I was. So basically my advice would be speak to your GP initially and take it from there. If you need to talk further about this you can always DM me, I'm happy to speak more or meet for a coffee/beer and have a talk if you wish
Been there also 15 years ago and actually in 2020 due to work/money issues, mate. Dont beat yourself up about it. Kids are resilient and as long as they know that you love them, they'll be ok. Clearly you want to change and now's a good time before any permanent damage happens - to your health or relationships. Hard to offer solutions as everyone is different and in a different situation. For me, I quit my 'career' in a small consultancy company where I was keeping the company going and having the pressure put on me, travelling all over the place and too knackered at weekends to do anything positive, if I wasn't working. Eventually i joined a big company where i am a cog in the machine and don't give a **** if I don't get something done on time or need to take time off to sort out personal matters and no one takes it personally. It allowed me to spend time with my daughters in the evening and at weekends, taking them to training, eventually becoming a coach, making a new circle of 'friends' later in life and having the kind of relationship with them that I never had with my own workaholic father. So this removed a lot of my anger and stress. Sometimes the anger and/or anxiety is your body telling you to change something, so it can be seen as a positive thing and now you got the opportunity to do so.
I'm sorry to hear this DJ. I have some thoughts around it for you. Firstly, think about your tone of voice, facial expressions and body language. Getting down to eye level and attaining eye contact will also help. Work on softening your tone and not responding in the moment. Each time you respond adversely, reflect on why you did it, and think about how you could do it differently. Another majo thing is repair, we all get it wrong and it's important that our children know that. When you respond to your children that way, tell them that you are sorry for shouting at them, and that you want to respond differently. That is how they can learn about appropriate responses. Edit: Reflecting on our responses can go a long way with understanding why we respond in that way. Having a basic understanding of 'Polyvagal Theory' can be really supportive of this, as it helps us to make sense of our responses in each moment. As others have mentioned, physical activity will certainly support you with this.
