"Why don't you shave all your pubes off, love?" she said, handing me the razor. "It will make your c*ck look massive." Bit forward, I thought, for a vasectomy nurse.
HUSBAND: Can I come in your ear? WIFE: No!I might get deaf. HUSBAND: I always come in your mouth but you never shut up
Liverpool have called for an immediate replay against Plymouth Argyle in the FA Cup because one of the plumbers in midfield isn't Gas Safe registered.
Me: "What do you want for Valentines day?" Wife: "Give me a ring, that's enough." Me: "From a landline or mobile?"
Advice please! What’s the best number of roses to give the wife on valentines? 6,12,24 or the whole tin?
Beware of online Valentines Day scams . . . . my husband ordered jewellery, but they sent Glenfiddich & Guinness !
A company, feeling that it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO, and the new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities the CEO notices a lad leaning against a wall, the room is full of workers and he wants to let them know that he means business, so he walks up to the lad and asks “How much money do you make per week ?” Undaunted, the young lad looks at him and replies “About £300.00.” The CEO hands the guy £300 in cash and loudly says “Here’s a week’s pay, now GET OUT.” Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks ”Does anyone want to tell me what that lad did here ?” With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters ”Pizza delivery lad”
