Paddy's New years Eve's firework party was a complete disaster. "I don't understand it!" He said." "They all worked fine when I tried them yesterday."
My mates 4 year old daughter cant even say thank you in Spanish. I mean, ya gotta admit, thats poor for four.
Taxi and Drunk Passengers.. After picking them up, the cab driver quickly realized his passengers were drunk, so he decided to have a little fun. He started the engine, let it idle for a few minutes, and then turned it off. With a straight face, he turned to his passengers and said, "We're here! You've arrived at your destination!" The first guy fumbled for his wallet, handed the driver some cash, and stumbled out of the car. The second passenger thanked him as he followed suit, handing him his fare. But the third man suddenly leaned in and slapped the cab driver across the face! Shocked, the driver thought, "Maybe this one wasn't as drunk as I thought!" "Hey, what was that for?" he protested, rubbing his sore cheek. The third guy slurred, "Watch your speed next time! You almost got us all killed!"
I thought I broke my ankle last night when I tripped over a box of Kleenex. But the doctor said it's only tissue damage...
I’ve just eaten 7 cans of Alphabetti Spaghetti… I’m trying to break the record for the world’s biggest vowel movement!
Plastic surgery used to be a taboo subject. Nowadays you talk about botox and no one raises an eyebrow.....
A good wife will always be by your side during bad times. Mostly to remind you that none of this would've happened if you had just listened to her
A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Johnny, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?" "That it is," Johnny replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball." "You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat. "How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Johnny. "Well," mused Pat, "'tis life and there's a lesson in this somewhere." "That there is," replied Johnny. "'Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover."
