Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

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I held the door open for a gorgeous blonde in the pub last night.
The wife said, “You've never held the door open for me.”
I said, “What about the f*cking time you threatened to leave?”

 

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brill one mate

 

You sit upon the toilet
With everything prepared
You're feeling quite excited but
A little bloody scared!
That huge amount of Christmas nosh
Has turned into a log
And now the fateful time has come
To flush it down the bog!
But first you must expel the beast
And so you start to strain,
You bite down on a piece of wood
To take away the pain
But oh my god, its bloody huge
It's like you're giving birth!
You sweat and push and swear and shake
and strain for all your worth.
And then that magic moment comes,
That fills your soul with cheer,
A turd the size of King Kongs arm
Emerges from your rear.
And like a bomb it hits the pan
Thus lightening your mood,
And making room inside your guts
For lots more Christmas food!

 

I'm in big trouble with my wife. She asked me where was I taking her for Christmas.

Apparently "Over the coffee table" was not what she wanted to hear.

 

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