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Jokes

Discussion in 'Leeds United' started by ellandback, Jun 25, 2019.

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  1. stonkin

    stonkin Well-Known Member

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    #10261
    stonkin, Jan 4, 2025
    Wakey and Makemstine Roger like this.
  2. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #10262
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 4, 2025
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  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    I held the door open for a gorgeous blonde in the pub last night.
    The wife said, “You've never held the door open for me.”
    I said, “What about the f*cking time you threatened to leave?”
     
    #10263
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 4, 2025
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  4. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #10264
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 4, 2025
    Wooperts_duck, OLOF, Marcos Barber and 1 other person like this.
  5. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #10265
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 4, 2025
    Wooperts_duck, oldschool, OLOF and 2 others like this.
  6. OLOF

    OLOF Well-Known Member

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    "Fill her up"
     
    #10266
    OLOF, Jan 5, 2025
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  7. OLOF

    OLOF Well-Known Member

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    ****ing snow is 12 inch deep round here
    IMG-20250105-WA0000.jpg
     
    #10267
    OLOF, Jan 5, 2025
    Gessa, Makemstine Roger, Diego and 1 other person like this.
  8. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #10268
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 5, 2025
    Wooperts_duck, Gessa and Diego like this.
  9. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #10269
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 5, 2025
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  10. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    You sit upon the toilet
    With everything prepared
    You're feeling quite excited but
    A little bloody scared!
    That huge amount of Christmas nosh
    Has turned into a log
    And now the fateful time has come
    To flush it down the bog!
    But first you must expel the beast
    And so you start to strain,
    You bite down on a piece of wood
    To take away the pain
    But oh my god, its bloody huge
    It's like you're giving birth!
    You sweat and push and swear and shake
    and strain for all your worth.
    And then that magic moment comes,
    That fills your soul with cheer,
    A turd the size of King Kongs arm
    Emerges from your rear.
    And like a bomb it hits the pan
    Thus lightening your mood,
    And making room inside your guts
    For lots more Christmas food!
     
    #10270
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 5, 2025
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  11. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    I'm in big trouble with my wife. She asked me where was I taking her for Christmas.

    Apparently "Over the coffee table" was not what she wanted to hear.
     
    #10271
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 5, 2025
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  12. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #10272
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 5, 2025
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  13. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #10273
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 5, 2025
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  14. Wakey

    Wakey Well-Known Member

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    Ride em cowboy
     
    #10274
    Wakey, Jan 5, 2025
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  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #10275
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 6, 2025
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  16. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #10276
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 6, 2025
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  17. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #10277
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 6, 2025
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  18. OLOF

    OLOF Well-Known Member

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    To stop anymore gossip I will tell you myself, yes I did get arrested for assault on new years eve, but, in my defence it was nearly midnight and if you were stood next to a Muslim with a rucksack shouting "10, 9, 8, 7, 6, wouldn't you have chinned the ****er too?
     
    #10278
    OLOF, Jan 6, 2025
    LeeUtd, **Hector **, Makemstine Roger and 3 others like this.
  19. rod french

    rod french Well-Known Member

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    Reminds one of "London, Paris, New York and Peckham"
     
    #10279
    rod french, Jan 6, 2025
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  20. rod french

    rod french Well-Known Member

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    You're beginning to rival Roger in quality, OLOF.
     
    #10280
    rod french, Jan 6, 2025
    Makemstine Roger and OLOF like this.
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