The missus hasn’t opened this yet, and she hasn’t spoken to me for two days now as well…. Please god, tell me what I’ve done
You have £500 left after Christmas. Your son texts you asking for £300 because he is broke. Then your daughter texts you and asks for £150 to get herself a belated present. How much do you have left? Me: £500 and two unread f*cking texts!
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!! Glasgow cop says, " Licence and registration, please." ...London Lawyer says, "What for?" Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign." London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and registration, please" London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop, that's the law, Licence and registration, please!" London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir." The London Lawyer exits his vehicle. The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living sh*t out of the lawyer and says, "Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"
