My Jewish mate has been with his Tourette's suffering girlfriend for years now. I always wondered what kept them together. Then I saw the swear jar.
You have £500 left after Christmas. Your son texts you asking for £300 because he is broke. Then your daughter texts you and asks for £150 to get herself a belated present. How much do you have left? Me: £500 and two unread f*cking texts!
I'm sorry that I posted all of those "How many people it takes to change a lightbulb” jokes . . . . I was in a very dark place at the time !
Mrs. A. hasn't opened this yet, and she hasn't spoke to me since Christmas morning. I don't know what I've done wrong and I'm scared to ask !
"My balls are just like sprouts." I moaned to my mate over a pint. "What, small and green?" He said. "No, my wife will only put them in her mouth at Christmas."