Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

After many years of marriage, I think my wife still finds me sexy.

Every time I go past her in the house she says, "What an ass."

 

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Just remember before you laugh at people who believe in Santa. There are people in Newcastle who believe they will win the Champions League

 

Boom

 

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My local Chinese restaurant owner decided to diversify, and (in his own words) was going to open a "crows shop."

I asked him if he meant "clothes shop" and he said "No . . . . come and take a rook."

 

Accents, eh !

I 'phoned work this morning and whispered "Sorry boss, but I can't come in today . . . . I have a wee cough."

He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough ?" and I said "Really ? Thanks, boss . . . . see you next week."

 

Since splitting up with my girlfriend, I've been feeling pretty lonely at times.
Last night it came to a head, lying naked and horny in bed I did something I haven't needed to do for quite a long time.
I rolled over and cuddled the wife!

 

A bloke and his wife where playing golf and just as he was lining up a putt he paused and said, "you know . . . . the moment that I met you I knew that we were made for each other. We both like the finer things in life, neither of us wanted kids, and we both love golf.
I have a confession to make, though . . . . the stag do that I went on last year I had sex with one of the prostitutes"
"I knew that you might do" she replied . . . . that's what men get up to when they are away. Whilst you are confessing, though, I may as well come clean and tell you that I used to be a man"
"You ****ing what" he replied
"Yes . . . . I had gender reassignment surgery before I met you"
"You ****" he screamed "five years . . . . five ****ing years you've been playing off the women's tees"