A husband arrives home and sees his wife washing dishes. He says, "Love, drop everything and let's have sex." The woman stops washing the dishes and happily begins to undress. He says "No, not here, baby, let's go to the park across the street and do something crazy for once." The woman gets excited and without a second thought opens the door and they run to the park across the street. They are undressed and well “engaged” when suddenly a Policeman appears. "What's going on here? I will fine you for indecent exposure." He says. The husband complains, but the Policeman will hear no excuses and proceeds to fine them. A £30 fine for the husband and £100 fine for the lady. "Why £30 for me and £100 for my wife?" asks the husband, curiously. The Policeman replies, "That's because this is your first time, sir"
When I was young we were very poor and I sometimes had to wear my sister's old clothes to school. Turned up in the same dress as my teacher one day. Don't know who was more embarrassed, me or him.
The girlfriend was in the kitchen cooking me bacon and eggs this morning when I suddenly heard a loud thud. Running in I found her collapsed on the floor not breathing. I was in a blind frenzy, I had no idea what to do... Then I remembered, Wetherspoons do an alll day breakfast from just £4.99 I'm off to Wetherspoons now Peeps have a great day and remember Its good to laugh...
I said to a mate, "I bought my wife a pair of diamond earrings last month and she hasn't talked to me since." "Why not?" "That was part of the deal."
I sat on the bed on my wedding night, full of anticipation. I could hear my new wife on the phone in the bathroom. "I don't know if I should spit or swallow." I heard her say to her mate. F*cking turns out they were booked in for wine tasting next week.
