My wife has threatened to leave me because of my sexual fetishes ' I said ok slam the door on my balls on ya way out
My wife asked me to put tomato ketchup on the shopping list that I was writing out... I can't read a f*cking word now!
Played frisbee in the park with my dog yesterday... Not much good though. I think I'm going to need a flatter dog!
It snowed last night . . . . 8:00 am: I made a snowman. 8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman. 8:15 - I made a snow woman. 8:17 - My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying that it objectified snow women everywhere. 8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned that it could have been two snow men instead. 8:22 - The transgender 'thing' asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts. 8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, because vegetables are food and not to decorate snow figures with. 8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white. 8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded that the snow woman be covered up. 8:40 - The Police arrived saying that someone had been offended. 8:42 - The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role. 8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction. 8:45 - TV news crew from BBC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist. 9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather. 9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices . . . . my children were taken by social services. 9:29 - Far left protesters, offended by everything, marched down the street demanding that I be arrested. By noon it had all melted. Moral: There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become . . . . all because of snowflakes ! n.b. wording copied from elsewhere.
My wife's not getting much sleep at the moment, she's up every hour breastfeeding. I told her I should grow out of it soon but she's still not happy.
I went to the doctor's thinking that I was suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome, but I think I'm in the clear ... ... fingers crossed
Poor little fella left tied to rails freezing outside Elland Road shop, got a name tag on if anyone recognises him or knows his owner please log in to view this image
Napoleon and his wife are buried next to each other. They're only a bone apart..... please log in to view this image please log in to view this image please log in to view this image please log in to view this image please log in to view this image
A taxi was driving through a lower class town area, in the back of the taxi was a lady and her 12 year old son, he said "Mum, why are all these ladies standing in shop doorways? She said," oh, they're just waiting on there husband's coming home from work". The taxi driver says "why don't you tell him the truth, they're on the game, they sell sex for money"! The boy said "Is that true mum?, she says" I'm afraid so ". The boy says," if one of these ladies has a baby, what happens to it?, Mum says "It becomes a taxi driver……
